For all with dcs who have gone through the pain of dps separating

[cosmicboy]

and then later on being introduced to new partners.
I have agonised for years about the effect my split from their df has had on my dcs. They were 3 & 7 at the time, split was amicable and mutual with no third parties but still so painful for us all. My 7 yr old always described the day we told them as the worst day of her life and I hate the memory of telling them it was heartbreaking.
Fast forward 6 years, eldest is now 13, we were having a big chat/cuddle last night as she has a few worries at the moment. I said how it must be hard for her still, coping with her df and I splitting and she just chuckled and said 'no way, I wouldn't have [my dps name] if you hadn't split up'
I guess what I'm saying to anyone in my shoes is that eventually it can be ok. I never wanted my dcs lives to be complicated or difficult and desperately tried to save my marriage. It wasn't to be and for years I have worried so much about how it has affected them both. I won't ever stop worrying but from today it will lessen

That's lovely to hear Cosmic. My DD says similar about my DP, how lucky I am to have met him and how nicely he treats me. Kids aren't daft, they want us to be happy. If it's presented to them in the right way, they can adapt to different circumstances and (presuming the new DP is kind and friendly) they can see it as an advantage to have another loving adult in their life.

DS1 struggles most out of my 3 DCs, but tbh he was always a bit hard work and is most like his dad, so probably the most likely to miss his presence. He does like DP, but they don't have that warmth that he has with the other 2 DCs. However, as a teenager, DS1 spends a lot of time out with his friends anyway and is starting to veer away from family life at times, so even if his dad were still living with us, he wouldn't be seeing much of him.

When you read about the problems caused for children of 'broken homes' it does make you feel guilty, I stayed for at least a year longer than I wanted to because I felt awful about making that leap. But actually so far (touch wood) mine all seem to be very well adjusted and happy. Probably helped that there was no upheaval at home, we stayed in the family home and XH lives nearby.