Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Depression in Men

11 replies

codyben · 23/10/2014 09:10

I am in counselling with relate £35 a time and only i will go. My husband started this online/facebook affair also meeting her outside our house everynight. He has ended it but now says he was unhappy anyway and is not sure if he wants to stay.
After 32 years of marriage and being with him from i was 15 i am in bits. Of course i want him to stay, kids, family want him to stay. But he won't commit to anything so we are all left in limbo. He is 53
Waiting for the moment he just says thats it. There is no one that can help so if i want him i have to wait and wait which is driving me mentel.

He won't talk to me or not at least anything that makes sense. this happened in August and ended then. Nothing physical happened but his head is a mush.
I am begining to think he has depression but he won't see a doctor.

He is worried about who knows as he has always been great and well thought of. But i needed someone to talk when i thought he was just leaving.

He is tried , started drinking in the house (more) doesn't seem to have any feeling, memory loss. Even is off with his Mum and doesn't notice

All this change happened in 2 weeks, but he thinks nothing is wrong just his feelings

This woman came up and down our road and started stroking his ego which maybe i missed that he needed this. We were great before

OP posts:
Original poster
codyben · 23/10/2014 09:13

I did phone her minister and asked him to ask her to stay away. He says there has been no contact from 29th august

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 23/10/2014 09:13

Her minister?

Original poster
codyben · 23/10/2014 09:15

yes shes an over the top Christian but has had affairs with married men before

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 23/10/2014 09:21

For a start, the 'OW' is the wrong person to target. Your relationship is with your DH. He is the one that is supposed to love you, care about you and be faithful to you. If he is failing to do those things because of some random person he just met your problem is with him.

Being an OTT Christian means nothing at all. Religion is a great smoke-screen for hypocrites of all colours. I'm pretty sure their regular code of conduct doesn't include promiscuity so she's unlikely to listen to ministers

And then your DH specifically..... It is demeaning to sit about waiting for someone to decide if they want to be in a relationship with you or not. So don't wait. Keep your dignity and your self respect rather than being someone else's fall-back. If his head is mush, telling him to leave will focus the mind. If he's depressed, the cold hard world out there might motivate him to see a GP.

This is a time to be strong.... not sitting and waiting for someone to click their fingers.

Original poster
codyben · 23/10/2014 09:23

In July I had my pelvis straightened after a fall , 2 discs put back, lumps removed from under my arm and cysts drained from my breasts so I was worried sick and then this in August. They both knew what i was going through

OP posts:
Vivacia · 23/10/2014 09:24

I agree with Cog.

If you want to save your marriage, you have to ask him to leave. He needs to realise what he has to lose. He has to see you as someone to be respected and cherished.

I sincerely hope the time without him will give you time and space to think clearly.

All of this "depression" is a load of codswallop. Illness does not cause someone to cheat and lie and ridicule you.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 23/10/2014 09:25

They both knew what you were going through but the only one who really owes you consideration, loyalty and sensitivity is your husband of 32 years. The OW is not completely blameless of course, but all your husband had to say was 'on your bike, I'm a married man'

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 23/10/2014 09:28

I agree. Ask him to leave. Do NOT sit around waiting for him to decide if you're worth the effort. You deserve better than this. Your children deserve better than this. Make your own way in life. Don't waste your life on someone who doesn't value you.

And stop keeping his secrets for him. Separate, tell people why, and let him deal with the fallout. He needs to see that actions have consequences.

captainmummy · 23/10/2014 13:11

It's obviously not what you want to hear, cody, but it'sthe truth. Thi sman has very little respect for you or your marriage. Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone like that? Even after 32 years, it's better to be on your own that be belittled, and ignored like this.

King1982 · 23/10/2014 20:12

He was 36 and in a relationship with a 15 year old? Odd!

seasavage · 24/10/2014 11:31

Where did you get that? If he's 53 now and they've been married 32 years he was 21 when they married.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page