I've always been a shy nervous type of person. Sometimes if I meet someone I feel comfortable with I feel I can be myself no problem. However it is people that I feel uncomfortable around that I start getting all anxious and can't seem to get my words out.
I used to be very passive particularly in relationships. I let former boyfriends and family just walk all over me. Since having my DD this has changed a lot, I do stick up for myself a lot more. I have been NC with my parents for example for a whole year and have ended the last 2 short lived relationships because they were just not what I wanted in my life.
At the moment I am having difficulties with my ex who is the father of my DD. He has been taking the piss massively in terms of the access arrangements that we agreed last year. We agreed that he take her every other weekend and one weekday night however he has only had her twice in the last 12 weekends and has been turning up later and later for pick ups on week days. Never gives me notice, will just turn up at 6:30pm when he should be there at 4pm. He is supposed to give her her tea on the weekday access but hasn't done this in god knows how long. I recently received a text from him at 4:30pm saying he wasn't able to give her her dinner that evening (after the time he was supposed to pick her up) so I had to russle up a meal for her when I wasn't expecting too. He then had the nerve to criticise what I had given her because it wasn't healthy enough (it was sausage, scrambled egg, brown toast and beans). I have confronted him about all of this and whole lot more (including being rude to me in front of our DD - I said this sets a bad example of how to expect men to treat women and also that it is not nice for her to see her Dad be nasty to her Mother). It just falls on deaf ears and he never changes his behaviour.
The whole situation makes me feel like shit. I am trying to be all assertive and take the higher ground by not being rude and just sticking the facts and using my daughter as the focus.
On the whole I just feel that even when I try to be assertive people don't listen. Its like if I say no it is not enough and people try and push me (because clearly I look weak?) whereas when other people say no they get listened too and respected.
I just beat myself up about this all the time and go over things that have happened in my head a lot . It just winds me up even more and no doubt that makes me feel all anxious and is contributing to me looking like I do.
Sorry this is all a bit mumbled and all over the place. I just don't know how to come across all confident, self assured and get people to take me seriously.