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Original poster

Just a bit of a moan (and a small cry)

54 replies

Lula2515 · 22/10/2014 00:07

I'm 38 weeks pregnant, tired and hormonal so I probably am massively overreacting.

DP has gone out for drinks with girls he used to work with.
He text at 10:30 to say he was just waiting for a taxi. Still hasn't left. He always does this.

I guess maybe I'm just being jealous that I can't go out too, but I feel really sad about the whole thing and annoyed that he hasn't managed my expectations more than anything.

Sorry, not massively looking for advice I guess, just needed to type it out!

OP posts:
ChillingGrinBloodLover · 22/10/2014 01:05

I still think it needs digging Umm so keep on with finding a babysitter!

OP - I don't know/remember any of your previous threads, but if he's generally a twat then you might need to do a bit of serious thinking about where this relationship is going. Babies do not make life easier!

You did note that I said my EX used to do this....

Original poster
Lula2515 · 22/10/2014 01:10

We had a massive fallout in August, so bad I nearly left but I honestly think me nearly leaving shook him up and he seems to have really changed.

He used to go out drinking nearly every night, I met him when I worked in his local. He's changed so much and barely goes out now. So I guess it could be that he just needed to blow off steam and it might be his last chance for a while.

It's just upsetting that he couldn't be honest with me, I find it disrespectful. And now because of it I'm lying here awake at this time!

OP posts:
ChillingGrinBloodLover · 22/10/2014 01:34

Oh well, only you know how things are generally... but even if this was a one off you have every right to be pissed off about it. It's irritating and just generally not on anyway, but especially ignoring your texts. What if you were in labour? Then if/when he turned up at the hospital the last thing you'd want is a pissed birthing partner who smells like a brewery!

coolaschmoola · 22/10/2014 01:36

I know it's wrong and pa and a lie but I'd be so tempted to text him with 'I think I'm in labour!' and then ignore him.

Then when he gallops in pretend to be asleep, and wake up and say it was a false alarm.

If he had the cheek to say 'you could've let me know!' I'd reply with 'I thought we weren't doing that level of respect any more...'

But I'm mean like that, so I'm not sure I'd recommend it.

sykadelic · 22/10/2014 01:44

Anything yet OP?

MexicanSpringtime · 22/10/2014 03:44

Oh OP, he sounds like me Ex too. Never understood that there should be a connection between what he said and what he did.

AcrossthePond55 · 22/10/2014 03:54

Ignoring you is wrong, not to mention rude. There's nothing wrong with asking someone when they will be home, and then expecting them at that time.

I don't think I'd have minded my DH going out with mates if I was that far along. But I certainly would expect that he would remain in contact with me and refrain from getting drunk.

freshlysharpenedpencils · 22/10/2014 04:12

Hope you're ok OP. It's so lonely and emotional being pregnant I remember. I can just imagine you lying there - I had awful insomnia too and this would not help.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 22/10/2014 06:40

I don't think it's necessary to "blow off steam" until gone 1am when you have a heavily pregnant partner at home. Don't minimise this, it wasn't what was agreed to and the ignoring your calls and texts is unforgiveable at 38 weeks pregnant.

heartisaspade · 22/10/2014 06:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Vivacia · 22/10/2014 06:56

This makes me so angry. As you say, going out drinking and staying out late is not a problem so long as everyone knows what the plan is. However lying to you is disrespectful and unfair.

Vivacia · 22/10/2014 06:58

Grrr, sorry, meant to say taht the thing that makes me angry is he doesn't care how what you may be thinking or feeling.

StopStalkingMe · 22/10/2014 07:10

My ex did this as well... Went out for a xmas work do and I was very late term pregnancy. I couldn't reach him on his mobile and was panicking. TWO HOURS later, he calls back and obviously having a merry 'ol time and said, 'what's the problem? If you went into labor, you could always call a taxi to get you to the hospital'.

I picked a real winner.

Elllimam · 22/10/2014 07:19

:( I hope he is home now and you got a good sleep xx

Original poster
Lula2515 · 22/10/2014 09:03

Thanks everyone.

He came in around 2.

I was very measured in explaining how he'd annoyed me; he slept on the sofa and I had a great night's sleep. Feel much better today and will have a lie in whilst he goes to work with a hangover

OP posts:
PfftTheMagicDraco · 22/10/2014 09:25

EXH used to do this. Not with going out though, with anything. Work etc - would say he would be back by X time, and then never leave until 2 hours later, not bother to tell me. Tell me he was leaving, and then not be. I would get dinner ready etc. I didn't care when he came back. He could have come home at whatever time, it was the lying. He would say that he thought I would be upset if he told me he was going to be late - so he decided that he would just do it this way instead. Except - I wouldn't have been upset. HE'D decided I would be, because of his feelings, not mine.

The lying is the worst, and I never got him to stop it, no matter how many conversations we had about it. Expecting someone and them not bothering to tell you that they aren't planning on leaving for another 4 hours is disrespectful, and in my case (maybe not yours, I don't know) there was control there - he was in control of me. He knows that you want to know when he's coming home - so he keeps that power. SHitty.

Vivacia · 22/10/2014 09:36

What's going to happen next OP?

Original poster
Lula2515 · 22/10/2014 09:40

In terms of my relationship? Nothing.

In terms of general life? Hopefully this baby will turn up soon.

OP posts:
Graining · 22/10/2014 09:44

That sounds very sensible OP. Keeping things calm at this time is a good idea.

Original poster
Lula2515 · 22/10/2014 09:47

Thank you xxx

OP posts:
Vivacia · 22/10/2014 10:36

I meant in terms of dealing with the incident, your feelings etc and preventing it happening in the future.

All the best!

Original poster
Lula2515 · 22/10/2014 10:42

I made it very clear about what I was annoyed about- that he'd lied and then not kept me updated and ignored me. Think he saw my point of view and apologised (a rarity). So think he may at least consider this next time.

In other news, having stomach pains this morning... Might need to send myself off to the pregnancy forum to beg advice on impending labour! X

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 22/10/2014 17:28

Ooh, hope things are progressing (baby-wise)! Good luck!

heartisaspade · 24/10/2014 15:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stressed39 · 24/10/2014 15:20

DP has gone out for drinks with girls he used to work with.
He text at 10:30 to say he was just waiting for a taxi. Still hasn't left. He always does this.

???