Sleeping in separate rooms

[DuvetToMyself]

DH and I are sleeping separately - what do we tell the DC?

Basically, I can't cope with DH's depression, he can't cope with me having run out of patience. We've got lots of stress on and a lot of it, I feel, is a result of him not getting his shit together. No doubt he has reasons for being pissed off too - he says I harangue him. Probably true.

Anyway, we slept last night in separate rooms. He stomped off because he didn't want to hear my complaining. I was massively relieved and slept well. Tonight we made up the spare room for him and I think both of us are OK about it. Sad but not, kind of, dramatic. We love each other but are having a bad patch.

How do I deal with this with my DC? They are 8 & 6.

I think I would go with some sort of white lie: Daddy has a sore back and the mattress in the spare bedroom is better/ I'm being really restless when I sleep right now and daddy gets a better night's rest in the spare bedroom/whatever.

I wouldn't get down to the nitty gritty with DC.

Sounds very difficult for you OP. Do you have RL support?

Agree: White lie until you have worked out what is going on.

Would it be totally untrue to say something like "Dad/Mum (pick whichever is more plausible) isn't sleeping well, so Dad's moved to the spare room for a bit so s/he can sleep without being disturbed all the time by the tossing and turning and the light on. Everything is better when you can actually sleep"

Thanks. I've got support, my mil knows about DHs depression and organised counselling. Our house is being very slowly renovated and amongst loads of other things, we've been living without hot water on and off for three months so I recognise a lot of this is circumstance.

I just don't want to scare DCS.

We have separate rooms and have done for ages. It's snoring in our case. So maybe say dad is getting a cold and it's making him snore so he moved into the spare room so you can both sleep .

There's no reason to think they'll be scared, especially if you can adopt a very matter of fact tone, even breezy, tone. Do make a extra efforts (both of you) to be amicable when they are at large.

And as he has support other than you, and you know that some of the stressors will be dealt with in time, there's no reason to think that the current sadness is going to prove to be a breaking point. It's true about sleeping better helping keep you on an even keel.

And having recognised that dealing with a long term illness in the family is itself a source of stress which can deplete your reserves is half the battle. He's got family to turn to. What about you?

Personally, I think separate rooms are the way forward. Then you have your own space to retreat to when needed. Plus you can have it how you want it and don't have to compromise. I am selfish and like to have my own space, so sharing a room would be a no go for me.

We have had separate rooms for the last 18 years, originally due to snoring issues. Even if that stopped, I would not want to give up my room. Love having my own space to relax in.

We have a 3 year old who decides if she wants her cuddles in "daddy bed" or "mummy bed". Then we all traipse to the chosen bedroom for pre sleep cuddles.

It is different as this is the only set up she has known, so no change to deal with.

I would be very practical about it. Something like, "we sleep better in our own beds" no big deal.

This is what I say, to friends if it comes up in conversation.

I actually think along the lines of puds, I don't think the kids care where you sleep at that age, it's how you act towards each other whilst awake that matters. I wouldn't tell them anything, I especially wouldnt try to "explain" it to them.