Getting by and just exisiting or happiness morre of the time?

[moonshine123]

So from previous threads I am married, H doesn't work, I support everything, more or less. H smokes Cannabis, has trust issues also. I don't go anywhere except work and my mums, no nights out or even coffee with friends, mainly because of the trust issues.

I think I am just sailing along, exisiting even? Is it so wrong to want to feel happy more than I do or is that fairy tale stuff x

I can imagine that the way you are existing at the moment does not afford you much happiness. You have every right to want to feel happier. Is H making any effort to stop smoking cannabis? If he doesn't work, how is he paying for his drug habit? Do you have DC?

HI, everyone deserves happiness this sounds a totally rubbish relationship and I cant see anywhere forward.

Has he ever tried stop the cannibis? Its making him paranoid unless hes willing to stop the cannibis I personally wouldnt want to carry on with the relationship

We have 1 DC. He does odd jobs as such, but nothing regular enough to actually provide me with something regular income wise. Its good you H is trying to stop, mines has no intention. I think even if he was earning and helping a bit I could cope better, but sometimes I think is this what I want/need?

Quite often in life people treat us how we allow them to treat us.
This is your life. If you are unhappy then do something about it to change it.
he ain't gonna change so if you want to find the chance of some happiness then take responsibility for your life and make steps to find it as you are very unlikely to find anything of any use with this bloke.

Spot on heyday

Op, translate 'trust issues' into controlling, emotional abuse though.

If your DC came to you with this exact scenario what would your advice be to him/her. 'Just keep plodding on love, coz this is the best you deserve. You have to give up everything you are to make another person happy. Yes, dear, keep catering to their insecurities, do whatever is necessary to make them happy and ignore yourself, as usual.' Would you really say this to them? Of course not.....so why are you telling yourself this?

You are teaching your child this is what a 'normal' relationship looks like.

If I've understood you right OP , you can't even go for coffee with friends because of your husbands "trust issues".

It makes me sad you have to ask if that's normal

"Is it wrong to want to feel happy...."

When you're having to ask that kind of question you need help. It is a normal wish of most human beings to find happiness, security, contentment, purpose. If you didn't have this man dragging you down, you'd be so much better off.

It is not wrong to want to feel happy.

So he's a cocklodger, living off his woman and to top it all you are paying for his cannabis habit.

He will have trust issues because he himself probably can't be trusted.

Why are you wasting your time on someone who is giving you absolutely nothing in return, must be great for him, your life sounds like a living nightmare, change it, you don't have to accept this shit!

Let's start with your lovely dc. Do you really want your dc to see that relationships are about mummy going to work and daddy staying home smoking blow all day. Then mummy not being allowed out because daddy decides it's not a good idea.

Is that who you want your dc turning into, do you want your dc to have a relationship like yours where they are the bread winner settling for a lazy layabout? Or worse they could become the layabout!

Love, respect and trust are essential in any relationship. Your partner doesn't trust you (not your fault IMO), I don't think you respect him anymore and y'know what love isn't all that matters. It's those other factors too. As you can see love doesn't conquer all. There's a mixture of things, well IMO anyway

By all means give him a chance but if he doesn't take that chance then I know what is be doing!

Hi OP.

I know how you feel. My DH doesn't smoke cannabis. Other than that, he gave his job up a few weeks after we married. He does nothing round the house - thinks taking days over fixing the fence is 'getting stuff done.' I work full time. I get home to find last nights washing up still in the kitchen and the loads of washing still in the washer. He hoards stuff so the house is a tip. I used to cope with the 'bad' stuff but there is more of it and i can't think of much good. I think i need to get out of this situation but don't have the courage.

I believe I have felt this way for so long it has become part of my everyday life.
I really hope my little girl does not think this is normal but deep down I know she will.

Im just not brave enough to step back and make the changes I KNOW I need to!! I feel so weak yet it is me who holds the house, food, finances, housework and bringing up DD. I just don't know how to get around this or even where to start. I hate the thought of hurting him yet I let myself hurt so much x