Life in a women's refuge

[heyday]

My 22 year old niece and her 2 year old son have been told that they need to go to a DV women's refuge for their safety. I am, probably quite rightly, very concerned about this. Can anyone who has lived in one of these places please give me some insight into how they are run and how stressful it is to live in one and,more importantly, if there is light at the end of the tunnel once women/children live in them
Thank you

Large building, separate flats inside. Shared laundry facilities. Own kitchen bathroom bedroom living room. Own key. Staff during office hours.

And emotionally? How tough is that?

A sight better than where she is now. Living in close quarters with other people in difficult circumstances is challenging but its a temporary fix. She will make a transition elsewhere. My DSM was in one for a bit before getting a council house and a few years later she met my DF. Most importantly, she and her children are not being subject to EA and DV. Hope your niece is ok.

Its a safer and better place for both of them than being in a violent or controlling relationship.

They're not brilliant but they do the job required. They keep you safe and help get you back on your feet.

As Pivot said, potential awkwardness living "with" strangers who are all in stressful circumstances. But knowing their abusers are not going to walk through the door at the end of the work day, or when the pubs kick out, or they are released on bail makes it worth rubbing along with others until appropriate permanent housing can be sorted out

As for light at the end of the tunnel, yes there is.

Thank you for all your replies. I am so worried about her little boy who has already been through so much and has already lost so much. Abuser is 'off the scene' but could rear his head again as he has controlling and obsessive, threatening behaviour.
I love them so much and I am so worried about them. They cannot come and live with me as abuser knows where I live and has been here on frequent occasions threatening all sorts of violence so she would never be free of him.
Sometimes it hurts so much to see your loved ones go through so much especially as the abuser is free to do whatever he wants and is probably out there seeking his next victim right now,

My friend was in one. Tenement building si just blended in with street. There was an office there with loads of help and advice and a children playroom and all the kids just got in with it together. They had own rooms but shared living room/ kitchen and there was always some support. It was reall lovely and clean inside.

I stayed in one where families had their own room, a bathroom was shared between 2 families, and then everyone shared the kitchen, dining room and living rooms.

Living with other people isn't always easy, but most of the time everyone got along and the children (mine were 10 months and 3.5years at the time) really had a lovely time there - there was a playroom, a constant supply of playmates, and the staff also organised trips out on a regular basis.

The staff were great supporting everyone and helping them move on.

And best of all it was a safe and secure environment away from abuse.

Thanks fluffyears, these places seem to have such a bad reputation so it's nice to have some genuine insight. I love your nickname by the way.

ive lived in 2 with my daughter between ages of 13months-19months. it is a bit pot luck where you end.up as far as facilities go and who else you are living there with but it really was 'refuge' time out from.the world and all the crap and most importantly a chance to.break free. cant deny i didnt hate being there at times but when.i left i really misssed it. my daughter enjoyed it and.in.one refuge they had excelllent childrens workers and a play room. sadly other refuges do.not have the funds and cannot offer so much support. there is light at the end of the tunnel but in my experience it is long and.not without problems. it sounds like your niece and nephew really need this and id recommend it to anyone going through dv. it will mean a lot to her to know you support.her decision.

I've taken women to refuges as part of my work. My observations have been that staff are supportive and empathetic. There's plenty of opportunity to talk to other women about what's gone on. and obviously they'll have their stories to tell. It can provide a stepping stone to a safer, better life or just some respite until they bounce back to their abusive P.

Some of the older women I've taken had been in refuges years ago and were fearful - concerned they'd be given second hand underwear etc. But times have changed greatly.

Fortunatlely I'm not in an abusive relationship, but if I was there is nothing I've learnt about refuges that would stop me entering one.

When the abuser came to your home behaving violently, were the police involved? Are the police involved now? Social Services? Chid Protection?

Happy to help. The name come from parting a lovely fluffy dog with soft ears lol.

Police have been called several times, unfortunately he is very good at covering his tracks and police have not located him. The fact is, he knows where I live and will continue to come here and his threats scare me greatly.
This man has destroyed so many peoples' lives. I think she needs to go far away now and sort out her problems and to try to discover why she seems to be attracted to these low life scummy men.

Been in two for work purposes, so not living in one. Both in tenement blocks, one was all self contained flats with separate office space and and childrens play area on the ground floor, and one had some shared facilities.Both inviting inside and had a good feel about them.

Key point from safety point of view was that they are very safe. Covered by discrete CCTV and from the outside they just look like normal flats, no signs or anything. In one of the blocks the local obviously knew what it was and apparently they were very vigilant and would report any sightings of unfamiliar cars or people hanging around.

She will receive help to move on with her life in a supporting environment while she can fee safe and secure.

I didn't think they had a bad rep, quite the opposite.

I lived in one for 5 weeks, was a seperate 3 bedroom flat within a large modern building. Shared laundry facilities and an outside play area, also creche/playworker service, we also went on a few outings. It was stressful obviously, because of the circumstances. The people were mostly fine, it was very surreal, but liveable.