For those of you who don't know mt DP is withdrawing from an addiction to painkillers. He is in a very fragile place, with all the problems asscociaye with addictions hurting us, secrecy, dishonesty, and anger, mood swings (from both of us now as I struggle to understand) and resentement.
He has abig thing about disclosure, and has gone mad in the past if I have ever shared any of our problems, especially with his mother or sister, who are very supportive. He admitted the addiction and again expected me to keep it from people, under the premise that it wasn't their business and that his family have a history of addiction problems and he wanted to save them the stress of knowing this. As I realised that this secrecy was how he maintained the addiction, and that it would also mean I had no active support, I told his sister anyway. She was not dfevestated as he imagined she would be, but very pragmantic and supportive. She agreed that it was impotent he didn't know she knew as this would deflect attention from the issue at hand, which is getting him off Tramadol...
Anyway, I went ahead with a planned housewarming party on Sat which to all intents and purposes was a great success. DP's business partners were there, one of which is disabled and is a major source of Tramadol for him, when he is not buying it off the internet.
Anyway, DP got very drunk and became upset while talking to her about a mutual friend they both lost recently. DP was in bits and they hugged, but from the angle I was at it at first looed as though they were kissing. (She is female) I was standing by another friend and made a lame joke, saying "do you think there's tongues in there?". It was all a bit embarressing and I went over and obvioulsy discovered it was only a hug. DP was inconsolable about the death of his friend, was rambling incoherantly and I put him to bed.
Later, when all the guests had gone me and this woman and his other (male) business partner (it was actually his father that had died, but they were all great friends) stayed up until 5 talking about this. I confided in them that DP was in trouble and that I would do with their help, especially with regards to the Tramadol, asking if she gave him some, to simply tell me so that I could track how much he was getting (he has actually told me the last two times she has given him them but I just wanted a fall back should he get in to trouble with them again.) She said she would think about it basically, and was worried that doing such a thing would constitute a betrayal of their friendship. She also said she wasn't aware he was getting them off the internet too.
This was all a very risky thing for me to do, and it absolutely depended on their discresion. I appealed to them his friends, all of us people who care deeply about him, that we could work together to get him through this, and share information.
Anyway, I texted them last night as I was getting a bit worried that I'd been too indiscrete. I got this text back;
Thanks for your messge MT, Me and .... have given considerab;e thought as to how to approach this and will let you know what we've done and hopefully how it was recieved. I won't do anytghing behind .......'s back. My relationship with him depends on honsety so reporting his tramadol consumption is out of the question. I will talk to him and I won't give him any more. Hope that is ok.
I repliedL:
....., ....., all I can do is beg you not to confront ior disclose this to him. As you saw the other night he is in a very delicate place at the moment and I fear this will send him over the edge and make life very hard for us here. If i cannot appeal to you fro my sake then I aks you for DS, and of course DP himself. The tramadol is not causeing a problem at work as far as i could tell talking to you both, so I'd ask you to give us the time to continue with our programme of getting DP free of it. We are at a crucial moment in reducing his dose. I would really like to ask you to forget that i confided in you. I am struggling to save my family and know DP is not in the place to take this well. I'm sure if you give us the time to get through this DP will confide in you both in his own time. You can't help me, I understand and respect that, but please leave it at that and give us the opprotunity to get through this. DP will be honest with you in time I'm sure of it, but let us do this slowly..
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Bascically, I think I know that she will tell him anyway, as i believe she is (not so secretly) in love with him and this represents an opprotunity to damage us here. I feel like I've been a naive idiot. I know she will tell him and he will feel I have betrayed him...what a mess..