My EA ex has a new relationship

[MissWilder]

My ex who I was with for 4 years appears to be in a new relationship. I confess I have seen them on facebook, they both look ecstatically happy and they have loads of people commenting how happy they look. He is not my facebook friend btw

It has kind of shocked me tbh. He was EA to me, really nasty at times. Behaviour ranging from shouting me down turning everything round on me, it was ALL my fault, stonewalling and manipulating. He also stole money from me and wanted sex constantly making me feel guilty and issuing veiled threats along the lines of he would find someone else if he wasn't sexually satisfied. I very often felt I was walking on eggshells and was unable to express myself.

How then can she be happy, looking back he was exhibiting these traits pretty much from the start I just didn't realise it. It has made me doubt myself hugely, he always told me I was paranoid, and everything was my fault and now I think maybe he was right, perhaps it was me who ruined the relationship. He somehow seems to get everybody on side and look like a lovely guy. Nobody apart from my friends have any idea what he was like with me. Seeing them together and happy has really made me wonder and it's horrible

Even though you can now see that he showed EA traits right fromt he start, I am guessing you didn't recognise them at the time - and nor will she.

No-one is going to post a pic on Facebook of them looking anything but happy, try not to read too much into it.

I know neither you nor your ex but I can pretty much guarantee that the problems lie with him and not you....try to stop doubting yourself and re-build your life without him. I know it's hard to get over emotional abuse and trust again, but in time you will become more confident and trust your own judegment.

Ugh walking on egg shells is just the worst feeling ....

Don't look at the fb stuff....I'm sure he hid his controlling ways well in the beginning with you also....

nah he will be a cunt to her too I GUARANTEE IT

in the meantimke dont torture yourself, even EA fucking cunts have to be nice to "get" the girls

I have actually met somebody new myself and have been seeing him for 8 months, he's the total opposite of my ex, but I have personally had a few issues due to my previous experience, we are happy together though.

I think it's just my ex veered between being nice to me then running me down and making jokes in public at my expense of course. As well as all the stuff I listed in my first post. I convinced myself that it wasn't me as he kept telling me. However the most surprising thing has been that his ex wife who of course was to blame for all the problems in their marriage, according to ex appears to know his new gf. I don't know how well they know each other but their children certainly know each other. I just kind of wonder why she hasn't warned her or maybe I'm mistaken and he was it a good husband and it was mine and the ex wife's fault not his

Don't even waste time thinking about it Op....

Just thank your lucky stars it's not still you

I keep looking at her and thinking poor woman and her children. He's a user, I was convenient for him at the time and he freeloaded off me, treated me like shit and wore me down but had me thinking everything was my fault. Now I'm thinking he's using her now because it's so convenient to see his children as he lives away and he will have somewhere to stay

Wouldn't waste your time thinking about it. Her problem, not yours.
I divorced such an abuser (physical aa well as EA) he 'moved on' within a month. Cue 'happy pictures' of her with 'the love of her life' 'even my mum likes this one' etc etc (she is wife number 3, 1st one and me left him when he literally broke parts of us)
7 years on from when they married, shes been on crutches countless times (accidentally falling over) had broken arms and both her daughters have left home very young as they can't stand to be there (prior to him entering their lives they were tipped as top students likely to get top marks in everything, later left school with nothing)
You CANNOT save people from themselves, she wouldn't believe you if you did say anything or if the 1st wife said anything. He will carry on being the 'lovely guy' until one day it bites him up the backside. In the meantime, ignore the photos etc and don't keep doubting yourself

Thank you everyone. It does seem bizarre seeing them though and I'm betting he's trying or has got her almost addicted to him through sex like he did me. He was the kind who told you you were the best thing that ever happened to him, he's never had sex like that before ect ect, then quite often was very careless of your actual feelings. I think I just need to vent on here as it's all been a bit of a shock

inthename

fucking hell- thats depressing as fuck hey

well done you to get away