just seen my fucking arse of a dad

[vodkanchocolate]

Im sat here in tears. My parents split when I was 12 after years of abuse she took off him. He never really had anything to do with any of us when he left but we would see him about. Was quite close to him probilly more than my siblings and when I have seen him over the years ive always tried to make an effort. I know it was horrible what he was like with my mum but I have always craved a father in my life. Ive contacted him on facebook etc over the years and never really had much responce. He grew up in care so I dont know any of his family didnt even know if he was still in the area or even alive!!

Just been walking home from the school run with my youngest in pushchair struggling in the wind, when I heard someone shout me, it was him my father not spoken to snce last time I bumped into him about 2 years ago. He said "hought that was you, how you doing you ok?" I was obviously bit taken back and said yes introduced him to my daughter and he barely even looked at her. Asked about my other children, he then said very good and said the bloody wind you best get yourself home. Maybe see you about im living down there (pointed down the hill) He then quickly said bye and jumped in his car and drove off like he couldnt wait to go.

I dont know why im so hurtand upset after all this time but feel so annoyed what sort of man doesnt even aknowledge his grand daughter, sees his daughter after all this time offers no phone number or form of contact. Feel so angry, dont even think deep down I want a relationship but I feel so angry by him

If he was in care he could suffer from 'attachment' difficulties which would go some way to explain why he can't lay down normal bonds with people that should be significant in his life. He is an adult though. And he could just be a complete arse. In any way, however, none of this is your fault. You could try reaching out one more time, a quick coffee or something, then if he still keeps away...well you've tried.

Hi, sorry for late reply havent had chance to get back on. I totally sympathise with him he does certainly have issues he had been given chance after chance by my mum. Just feel though hes now in his late 50s and you would think maybe he would start to think that maybe he should build bridges.
I know I certainly have given him chance after chance when I was a teenager I worked in a pub as a waitress he used to come in regually with his now ex wife and would always make a fuss of me in front of her, he gave me his number but would never get back intouch if I txt. Another time bumped into him when I was pregnant for the first time again he gave me his number and told me to let him know when had baby, of course I got no reply I pressume this was to make himself look good in front of his wife, as whenever ive seen him alone hes tried his hardest to dash off as fast as he could. Ive also messaged him on fb and sent a friend request which he did accept but never replied to the message and after a while he deactivated his account.
He has my 4 siblings aswell I know like me they have made an effort when they have seen him but they have had even less response. My mum has always been very keen on him to be a father to us but hes never bothered at all.

Im at a loss and feel so cross, I spent so many years feeling so confused and hurt felt very insecure not saying all down to him but im sure never helped and do think it was the route of my anxiety and depression I have suffered I think its only since becoming a mother myself and having a lovely family unit ive been able to move on..

Sorry for the rant just really needed get it off my chest

Rant away. You've done so much to keep in contact. There is only so much you can do. He's emotionally detached, as a result of his past ...or through choice. Just do your best for your wee one and be glad you can give so much more to your own family.