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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Move to a different country and feeling scared and alone

6 replies

BoxerGirl89 · 20/10/2014 21:25

Hello, I am a regular lurker on this site. I just love the advice and topics discussed here and now i'm here hoping to get some advice on my situation.

Two weeks ago I moved to sweden on a temp basis with my girlfriend of a year an a half. We met in the UK whilst he was visiting and then after a long time of her coming back to visit me off and on and with regular skyping she decided to move to the UK for us to be together. However this did not go to plan as she got herself into a lot of debt to her friends and family in sweden trying to fund a place and other things. To cut a long story short she now after a year of being in the UK had to go back to sweden to get rid of the debts. Reasons being it much cheaper to rent here, she had her old job ready to go back to which pays better and she was only getting herself in deeper whilst in the UK due to alot of mistakes on both our parts!

So I have now taken on my course as part-time and im here and I can't cope! firstly we are in a different cabin to what she said we would be in, this is in the middle of nowhere, closest shop 2 hour walk, no transport, and our new cabin had no furniture etc. My dilemma is the fact that she wanted me here soo badly and the plan was to be here for so many months to pay of her debts then go back to the UK more securely. But she has panicked about money and now feels she cannot go back as shes safer here and has a history of debts. So what do i do now? I dont receive money for a few weeks, im finding it extremely difficult here, she mood has changed and shes angry, stressed, and generally not very welcoming. BUT insists I stay and is trying to get me to move in indefinitely - however I must go back to brighton next year to finish.

Ahhh this is getting long and is mostly drivel! My concern is that now im part-time ill have less money to move to brighton, not very possible for long-term now, here i thought i might get a job or do something but im kind of stranded here for 6 weeks now until we move again to somewhere with transport and a shop.. I miss the uk sooo much, i can't even call friends or family here, i feel very alone. She works nights alot. So what can I do? stay in hopes of her maybe coming back to the UK (shes said she wants to and might) and to stick it out, try to enjoy it here? I am trying! or go back to my parents where I would be comforted in the uk but our relationship would end, and it would be depressing. I have alot of stress and anxiety, I wish i never came and could go back to Brighton, even better I wish we was in brighton like how it was. I dont understand the change it her and i feel awkward being here now knowing we probarly will en when I do go back.

I dont know what Im asking for, any advice, stories of struggles in new countries. I feel so alone and don't even have her as support anymore. I keep crying that im losing everything and feel quite weak.

Sorry for typos and lack of proper terminology! First post :D Thank you for listening.

OP posts:
BoxerGirl89 · 20/10/2014 22:10

To sum up: I am stuck in a cabin in the middle of nowhere until I get funds with my partner who used to be very sweet, honest, caring and we had a lovely connection. However its different between us and she holds all the power over me as I literally can't do anything here, but live. How can I cope? Need strength to make the most of it here, or to escape. She's getting lightly abusive by shouting, being resentful and so on when I question/worry about things. Something I can't help doing!

Any questions welcome :)

OP posts:
SavoyCabbage · 20/10/2014 22:16

I emigrated for my dh and it is true that the trailing partner has to give things up.

She should be ensuring that you are ok and not stuck as she wants you to stay there and build a life with her.

I have to take my children to school now but there will be lots of people in similar situations on here now. Immigrants I mean not people in Swedish cabins 2 hours away from civilisation!

BoxerGirl89 · 21/10/2014 00:07

Thanks for the response! Haha yes I really am 2hours away from any kind of civilisation! Just wonder if I am over-reacting or am generally in a tough situation..?

OP posts:
SavoyCabbage · 21/10/2014 07:19

Well it's not good is it! And it all depends on what you mean by her holding all the power and by being lightly abusive.

Is she just stressed out after the move and all of the pressure of you being unhappy?

If you want to continue wit the relationship you need to make a life for yourself. You need to find transport and het out and about.Learn the language. Make friends.

LIZS · 21/10/2014 07:38

I'd cut my losses and move back , alone if needs be . To an extent I'd agree you are self-pitying and need to be more self starting and positive to try to make things work but she isn't putting your needs anywhere high on the priority list and I suspect sooner or later you'd come to resent giving up so much and gaining so little. tbh it sounds as if your relationship alone isn't enough for you and you might be better off taking time out and seeing if it survives the distance while you get on with your plans.

Whocansay · 21/10/2014 08:21

She got you there under false pretences. if not outright lies. And she sounds controlling. You've given much in return for nothing.

If I were you I'd pack my stuff, book a cab to the airport and never look back. It sounds like utter misery.

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