Feeling trapped with Alpha Male husband. Does anyone know what Spousal maintanance amounts to.

[porridgeagain]

I'm feeling trapped and desperate. Have been married eight years, together for seventeen. We have two kids who are 6 and 3. My husband is a workaholic whose personality has changed over the years, I feel we are so different now. He seems to think our marriage is fine, despite what I say (I am quite honest with him). We have been through a year of therapy and made three attempts at resetting the balance. I moved away from all my friends and family and made a life in a new town for his work. I feel unloved, like we have very little in common and enormously resentful. But I also feel economically trapped. I have an unstable freelance career, and work part time, I want to be able to do school pick ups and drop offs. I earn very little, and my husband is v. well paid. He will fight me re: separation though as he doesn't want a divorce. I am trying to work out what separation would look like and what would happen with our living situation, the payment of bills and mortgage, etc. Can anyone help?

Tbh without knowing the ins and outs of your financial situation, no one can really tell you.

Spousal maintenance is hit and miss, some get it awarded, some dont.

All you can say for sure is that you will definitely be able to claim child support, the CSA (or CMS I think it is now) have a calculator on their website so you can work out roughly what will happen.

In terms of the mortgage etc, if you can take it on yourself then you can get a court order allowing you to stay in the house until your youngest is 18 and then either a) selling and splitting the equity on the basis agreed in your financial settlement (as an example, mine is based on 50% of the equity each on the day we divorced and anything above that is mine as I have paid the mortgage since) b) you pay him the amount agreed in the settlement and keep the house on c) you buy him out now for an agreed sum and keep it on with nothing further payable to him. If you cant then either you both move out and sell the house or he keeps it on by buying you out.

If you stay in the house (or indeed, if you move out), then the bills, council tax etc will be your responsibility.

Your best bet is to see a solicitor for a free consultation and see what they tell you.

Hi Bogeyface. It feels a bit overwhelming as I'm PT freelance I earn only about 5k a year in my two days a week as still have one preschooler, and probably need to retrain to build a more sustainable career. He earns about 140k. We have huge mortgages on two houses, one of which we rent out. Thank you for your post. I think perhaps my instinct was right that I can't afford to leave until my earning power is considerably higher.

I would post this in legal for a more accurate response, but from the little I know you should keep the house for as long as your children need schooling. Your husband will retain a financial interest in the house unless you can buy him out.

I don't think a court will award you an income just because you want to collect your children from school as your exH will also need to live and if he is paying for your mortgage a judge will expect you to take some kind of paid work. It might even mean the sale of your house and downsizing if you and the children can be adequately housed. Your ex may then be able to afford a flat, but he will also need adequate housing as the children will stay with him at times.

Of course if he is mega rich then a judge will try to keep you in the style you are accustomed to at least in the short term. It all depends on the figures. The court takes the needs of the children as the priority. So housing for them first. After that the judge aims to see that you are treated equally. There are so many variables and the length of the marriage, age of the couple etc all are taken into account.

As for your H fighting the divorce. He will soon learn it's like riding a rocking horse. It gets you nowhere.

X posted!

If you could sell both houses would you have enough to downsize and move to a cheaper area? Maybe back to be nearer family?

If your Hs finances allowed it you might be awarded maintenance for a short period while you retrained.

Thank you, yes, NoMarymary helpful thoughts. That hadn't occurred to me about maintenance during retraining. We live in a far cheaper area now unfortunately, other house is in London. I'm not accustomed to much style, just not having to worry about the food and energy bills....

Try for a free half hour to discuss the financial side of divorce. By far the most complicated part! A house in London may be a great financial asset that can be sold to pay for your present home, which will give the children a continuing security. In theory your H can be expected to pay for the mortgage and bills but courts frown on women/partners who are making no effort to pay for themselves and certainly don't reward them unless you are self deleted as probably libellous!

I would get yourself into some kind of training and the court would maybe expect H to help finance you. Saying that it's very difficult to judge without all the figures and would rely on your H being in some way cooperative.

well - with your salary and working and child tax credits plus child maintenance from his salary then yes you would be able to survive. But you will def need a good lawyer to sort out assets/property.

If you are studying I think you can apply for a Parents’ learning allowance - somewhere around £1-2k. I found this bit on Gingerbread.co.uk on the Higher Education and Student Support section www.gingerbread.org.uk/factsheet/13/Money-for-higher-education-students

*Fee grant

If you are a new part-time student starting your course on or after 1 September 2014, you could get a tuition fee loan of up to £2,625 depending on the intensity of your course. You can also apply for a tuition fee loan if you're studying elsewhere in the UK. The calculations to work out how much you can apply for are complicated. Contact Student Finance Wales for more information.
Course grant

You can apply for a grant of up to £1,155 per year for course costs such as books and equipment.This is based on your household income and how many hours you spend studying for your course. Contact Student Finance Wales for more information. Part-time students in Wales can also apply for the parents' learning allowance, childcare grant, adult dependants' grant and disabled students' allowance, which will be awarded as a reduced amount depending on the proportion of a full-time course you are studying.*

Hopefully that can help you get on your feet financially without having to worry about your earnings too much? Worth looking into in more depth depending on the type of qualification you are studying for and hours needed.

Just realised the bit I c&p'd was seemingly about Wales only so you may want to double check that it is the whole of UK!

You only get a tuition fee loan if you are in England.

Is there no equity in the London house. You would be entitled to half of that, mightn't that pay off your half of the mortgage on the house you are in?

You are entitled to half, have you blown all his earnings to date, surely there is something to share.