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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

DH pressuring me to get an au pair

36 replies

ihateexercise · 01/10/2006 20:48

DH is pressurising me to get an au pair. I don't feel happy having someone living in my house and I feel my role as mother is undermined by having an other woman in the house. I know it sounds silly but I know I would have feelings of jealousy if my children (daughter 3 son 10 months)started looking to someone else for love, comfort, entertainment.
Dh uses threat of au pair as a way of avoiding me asking for more help from him. So if I ask for more he'll say 'if we had an au pair....'. What to do, any tips?

OP posts:

NAB3 · 02/10/2006 19:08

I think he needs to grow up. Kids make noise and mess. It's what they do.

You need to get yourself some backbone and confidence. You sound a fab Mum and should do what YOU want. If you don't want anyone helping, then don't get anyone. Do what needs to be done and if you run out of time and he has no shirts ironed tell him where the iron is. You are his WIFE not his MOTHER. They are his children too and he, and they, are missing out so much by being such an idiot. Weekends are family time. You never get a day off and when you are a parent you generally don't.

Uwila · 02/10/2006 20:35

I think monkey has a good idea. Get some help in but send her home at the end of the day. That way you have help, but she doesn't live with you. And DH will hardly ever see her so you will have full control over what her job does or doesn't entail.

Original poster

ihateexercise · 02/10/2006 20:36

Thank you all so much for your advice. I have had a really good chat with dh tonight and quoted several of you- it's really helped him to see that it is not just me being demanding or a freak for not wanting an au pair. It has helped me so much to talk rationally and maturely with him, thank you. We have decided that we will not get an au pair and just get our babysitter to help more at weekends. We'll also try the idea of splitting sunday responsibility and having sat as family day. I'm so happy, feel like a massive weight has been lifted- no more threat of au pair, although I understand it works fantastically well of others. thanks again.

OP posts:

exDH · 02/10/2008 15:03

Jesus RnB, an aupair that you can instruct to do all the housework whilst you are out at work.....whats that? you don't work?

Lucky girl!

CountessDracula · 02/10/2008 15:08

this thread is from 2006!!!

littlelapin · 02/10/2008 15:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AtheneNoctua · 02/10/2008 16:27

"an aupair that you can instruct to do all the housework "

You obviously have never had an au pair in RL.

exDH · 03/10/2008 14:57

you're right, they were my wifes aupairs not mine, I just paid for them

AtheneNoctua · 03/10/2008 15:34

Look, I'm not your wife. Don't direct your bitterness at me. Do I understand you have come on here to rant about an X wife whom you know to be a mumsnetter?

Dropdeadfred · 03/10/2008 15:42

exDH · 06/10/2008 16:39

the stuff about 'instructing the au pair' was in RnB's post I was just responding to her

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