Alcoholic Brother?

[bananamilkshake1]

So, I think my brother may be an alcoholic. He's in his 40's and married with one son.

His relationship with alcohol seems to be getting more worrying - he drinks every single day and has done for years - I'm not sure how much but I would say between 4 & 6 cans of lager per evening. I'm not aware that he drinks during the day when he's at work.

The main worry is that my father is an alcoholic & my brother experienced the impact father's drinking had on his childhood - mum & I were regularly hit & my brother witnessed all of this. My father is still (miraculously) alive and my brother still sees him *they get drunk together now). I don't see father, I've been nc for years.

I think my brother feels that as he's a silly drunk and that he doesn't abuse people or hit his wife/child that his drinking is therefore acceptable. The majority of his friends are heavy drinkers - he has the same group of friends he went to college with & their behaviour has stayed the same for over 20 years - even though they are all in their 40's with children.

I think my brother just thinks it's all a bit of a laugh - but he's never sober in the evenings & at the weekend he went out on Saturday evening with work & arrived home at 6am having apparently fallen asleep in a strip club.

Mum is worried, I'm worried & I think his wife is probably sick of it. Every time I mention his drinking to him, it falls on deaf ears & he just thinks I'm getting at him. Am I just getting at him or does he have a serious problem? I really need some perspective.

Thanks.

Your brother and dad are both long term physically (and mentally) dependent on alcohol. When drinking starts to affect family life it is a problem.

Is your mother btw still with her H?.

The 3cs re alcoholism need to be borne in mind here:-
You did not cause this
You cannot control this
You cannot cure this

I would talk to Al-anon on 020 7403 0888 in your particular circumstances as they are helpful to family members of problem drinkers. You can only help your own self here.

Alcohol can be a cruel mistress. Alcoholism is also a family disease and its not only the alcoholic that is affected.

Your brother is saying all the usual stuff alcoholics who are in denial say, he's lying to himself and is also likely to be badly underestimating how much he is drinking. His friends too are all really the same as he is.

Alcoholism can also be learnt, he likely learnt such patterns of behaviour from his own alcoholic father.

Thanks Attila - no, mum divorced my father many years ago due to his drinking & violence.

I've read before that alcoholism is a family disease - which is definitely the case with my brother. It's so sad - my brother always said he never wanted his boy to be afraid of him like we were with our father. However, his boy doesn't like the fact that dad is mostly always drunk in the evenings. It does cause problems within the family, I just have no idea how they are going to change as a family. I will call al-anon - thanks.

My DH is a drinker and yes he comes from a family of drinkers, that habitual daily habit you could set your watch by. He refuses to accept there is a problem, despite the health issues and the fact our relationship has gone down the pan. Once you have children, responsibilities and want to do other things with your life, I can't believe anyone would really enjoy sharing their life with someone who is three parts pissed every night.

I gave up trying to help/cajole DG into cutting down a while ago and recently started going to Al Anon - it has helped me a great deal, so I second Attila's post.