Views from the other side

[hurtinghubby]

I'm sorry, I know this site is for Mum's rather than Dad's, but I'm hurting and I don't know what to do/where to go.

My wife of 1.5 years (together for 8.5) has been found to be telling someone else she loves him. I can quote from some texts between the two of them:

"If you want to jump I'll be waiting to catch you with open arms. If not I'll respect your choice and we can be friends."

She has lied in the past in order to spend time with this other man. When she was caught out with that due to his wife finding out, she changed her number, changed her Facebook ID and all sorts to stop the harrassment. I'm still not over this even now, and this was months ago and she promised me that nothing happened, she just wanted to be there for her friend.

She continues to work with him (this I knew, though they weren't supposed to see each other often), and they've been exchanging texts again despite her promises to me. The content of these messages has torn me apart. I just don't know what to do :(

She says she was never going to leave me, but how else can that message be read?

I'm sorry. I don't think I have explained myself very well. I started crying again half way through this. It just hurts so damned much.

I asked her what she wanted, and whether she was even wanting to build bridges. She said she didn't know, and how did I feel? I don't know how I feel but what I did say was that to even consider it would mean huge changes for her. Her first response was 'I'm not leaving my job'. She works with this man. To save our marriage that would be my number 1 requirement.

I don't even know if there is anything worth saving. I forgave her last time for our two boys and their lives, but I can't live my life unhappy for them can I? That can't be right?

Oh I wasn't doing the badmouthing, though I was willing to listen.

I think it's obvious she's not going to change. For your peace of mind you need to sit down and talk to her. If its hurting this much is there any point staying together?

No, perhaps not. I think that's the way I am currently leaning.

Talk to her. Get everything you're feeling into the open. Her response will help clarify what you should do next.
Stay strong for your kids.

Sorry but your marriage is over. Get your ducks in a row and get the best deal you can.

I've just asked her what she would do if he left his family. She said she doesn't know because they haven't discussed it.

WTF? *** is gone. I've been a mug too much already.

So if they did discuss it she would leave you. She's obviously made her mind up about how much your marriage means to her.
Like mynewpassion said your marriage is over.

Hard to hear, but I think it was necessary.

She still has it in her head that it's my fault because I didn't make her feel loved.

I told her that it doesn't matter what is said until she recognises that she was the one that strayed, and until she sees that and takes full responsibility there is nothing to fix. She said there's nothing to fix.

I actually feel better for it.

Glad you feel better. Good luck with everything.

Just wondering, have you cheated on her in the past and she resents you? Trying to find a reason for her entitled behaviour .

Seriously?

She blames him for not being affectionate enough so she strayed. Geez, don't we all hear that from cheating men about their wives.

Point taken.