How long before I stop thinking of turning to drugs.

[Spaceboundeminem]

I am a recovering drug addict. 7 months amphetamine free 4 months weed free.

Every time I have a bad day it's the first thing I think of. Then the struggle begins to not go back. I am having a bad day today as when I dropped dc of at school teacher had a right go because DS was not wearing her glasses for two days last week as she lost them. She was then I'll for three days and now I have had them replaced.

She is 5 yo and autistic and yes she does break or lose her glasses occasionally. When she does it means 5 days to get a replacement pair. DS 8 is never without his glasses.

I am crying and I just want drugs anything to take the pain away. Why must I turn to it as soon as I'm upset. Will I be permanently damaged now I've tasted this poison? Will I always be a recovering addict? When will it stop?

Are you getting professional help?

I know it's not the same but I am an ex self harmer. My default if anything went wrong was to self harm.

I had good professional help that focus on cbt rethinking and distraction techniques.

Don't know if something like that would help.

Talk to someone and tell them how you're feeling.

Yes you will always be a recovering addict. But that's ok. And it won't always be quite so difficult. You are having to build new, more healthy coping mechanisms. It can take quite a while. But there's no shame in finding it hard. And you are coping with the pain, so you are doing well. It's bad but it will ease, and next time you will manage it slightly better and so on and so forth.

Don't let your bad day get you down. You cant help it that your DD isn't always capable of being careful. Regardless of any other issues, that's what five year olds are like. The teacher probably didn't mean it quite as harshly as it made you feel.

Well done for fighting your need to numb the pain. You know what is one of the most important lessons in life? -- If you stop being frightened of the pain and just ride it out, it isn't actually so bad. It's only a feeling, it isn't real.

You are a good mum. You are doing right by your children in kicking negative habits.

No I am not getting any help. I have done it all alone.

Hi there,
Firstly well done on your recovery so far. You have done something great for you and for your DC.
I'm an alcoholic in recovery and my last drink was 2.5 years ago. Do I think of it under pressure still - yes, but SO much less than last year or the year before that. Will it always have the potential to be where I turn in destruction and pain, yes probably.
How have you got to where you are? 12 steps/ local programme/ church... how? I do think you need people who get you, and if you don't have friends or family who are prepared to walk this hard road with you (most aren't, my family included, I have some wonderful friends though) then you need to find a recovery network. You don't have to do this on your own. You can find a peace that means you don't need to defend yourself, your children or your decisions to anyone. I can see why you're upset. But relapse is not the solution to it. I believe in you. PM me if you like.