calling those of you who were raised by single parents, what were the positives?

[yummytummy]

So am a recently single parent and I constantly worry about effect on kids. They do have contact with their father but obviously this is relatively limited.

I do find it really hard doing it all alone and not having anyone there to back up all the little day to day decisions. Never know if what I decide is best etc

am just worried about later on and especially when there is always bad press about single parents and kids not doing well in school etc

just wondered if anyone had any positive personal situations like eg they felt closer to their mum etc

I don't know maybe am not expressing myself very well but hope it makes some sense

really appreciate all the great stories here thanks any other thoughts welcomed gladly. its so nice to hear such positive things.

Don't really have much to add but I am a single parent as well and the stats that say children of single parents do badly are flawed. It looks this way as single parents are more likely to be young and live in areas of deprivation (often meaning lack of education/aspiration) and this seems to be the deciding factor not the single parent factor. Children living in the same conditions with two parents have the same outcomes. Obviously there are exceptions. Hope this helps.

My DM remarried when I was ten.
By not seeing my father There was never the arguments over custody, schools, holidays, decisions etc.
The 'Disneyland Daddy' thing never happened.
We probably had less attention as DM worked full time but when we did it was always about us.

I just feel so guilty that I cant give them the ideal family unit or the best of stuff materially

Please don't feel this way. Research has shown over and over again that what children need and value the most is your time and attention.

My mum was a young single parent. I never met my dad until I was 10 and although we have a good long distance relationship it was only ever me and mum growing up. We were very poor at times, she often worked 2 jobs to keep us afloat but I don't remember my childhood as one where I went without. It was full of love and laughter, no one else to please but us. My mum taught me to swim, ride a bike, rollerskate and everything else I needed to know.

She particularly taught me how to be independent. That partners should enhance your life not complete it. And that you don't need someone to be happy.

She's now my best friend and the best grandparent to my dc's. We speak every day and I admire her so much.

Oh, and I also did very well academically despite coming from a poor single parent unit. My mum spent hours with me poring over books and I could read from an early age. And she always found time to sit and help me with my homework no matter how busy she was

I was raised by a single Mum, in the days when there was a lot of stigma attached. I admire her for what she did. I may have lacked some thing financially, but she always did her best - and found imaginative ways to go on trips I wanted to. She also found other money saving ways to keep me occupied in holidays etc.

It was a far better childhood than some people I know have had with their two parents.

Im a single parent, this thread is lovely to read

Thank you all for a lovely thread.
As a single parent this is such a positive thing to read. Especially on the harder days. I really hope my children can say some of what you have shared here. And it will only serve to reinforce me in my efforts to be a good mum.

Me and my brothers were raised by my dad as teenagers. He did a brilliant job
He worked full time and money was very tight but we were all happy.

this has has been lovely to read sniffs

my two will never remember a life with their parents together, oldest was 16 months and youngest was 4months when I LTB.
exH doesn't bother anymore.

Hope my boys feel the same way yous do when they are older

My parents split when I was 2, so I have no memories of them together and I saw and still do, see my dad regularly.

But now I look back and my mum was amazing. I admire her for so many things, like how hard she worked to provide for me and I can see everything she gave up, or put to one side for me. I admire her for always supporting my relationship with my dad even though it was hard for her to share me! We are so close now, she is like my best friend and was even there holding my hand when I had DS. She is so strong, but will still put her hands up and say she did make mistakes raising me. But I always always know I was loved more then anything.

I grew up in a two parent warring family and desperately wanted them to split up; from when I was very young. They didn't until I was 16 and I think it has affected my relationship with my mum. I don't respect her for staying.
I am a single parent. It can be hard at times and when my son was young it annoyed me that people expressed surprise that the son of a lone parent could be so lovely, well behaved, bright etc.
I've always facilitated him seeing his dad. He has never seemed damaged or messed up; if I had stayed with his abusive dad he would have been.

Charley I could have written the first part of your message! I remember being convinced my parents were splitting up when I was wee then they stopped fighting but only cos we moved to a house which was big enough for the to live separate lives my father thought this was normal along with emotional abuse as that's how his family had been. My mother only got round to leaving when she met someone else when I was 25. She likes to tell people how they stayed together for the kids but actually it just left me forming my own screwed up relationships! Though I've now been single for three years by choice in an attempt to stop the cycle!

I was brought up by a single parent. She did a fantastic job. Yes her life was pretty tough with no money and no emotional support but me and siblings made a strong unit and there was a lot of laughter.

i have no memory of my parents being together and don't think I would have enjoyed it much. They are wonderful people apart but I think it would have been hell having them in same house. They remained friends and I can't remember an acrimonious divorce (although there was hurt on one side at least)

My mum was a single mum from about 3 months pregnant until I was 9 when she married my step dad.

I remember my mum working hard and having to spend time at my aunties when she was working.
Spending time at my aunties was awesome, I played with my cousins and watched Meatloaf videos
My mum and me have a very close relationship, she is my absolute idol. I never, once thought I was missing out on anything, she loved me and I loved her. As an adult I can see where she made sacrifices and how bloody hard she worked. And I love her even more for that. I turned out ok, I've got a good job in the public sector, have bought a house and above all, I'm happy. And my mum played the biggest role in that and I'll always, always love her for being such an amazing mum. She is exactly the type of mum I'd want to be.

Honestly? Bear with me, it does pick up in the end.

With my mum it was shit, for her own reasons my childhood was pretty shit too BUT...

I have been a single mum for 7 years and was in single parent family from age 9. My children have had their issues both medical and one who has severe anxiety, we don't know why yet, but I love them & they know I love them which is the big difference. Now NC with my family but it freaked me out if my DM ever went to kiss or hug me as was not used to it. Mums (or dads) can be shit parents, it's not exclusive to being single and one parent on their own can be so fantastic that they make up for 100 parents combined. Be happy x

You must be very proud of yourself! But don't forget you need a life too! Do lots of stuff to make you happy. I have a bath. Heaven.