Convincing dh i still fancy him.

[Lilmisssunshine7]

My dh is gorgeous and sexy and I truly do fancy him and want to be intimate, but we have two small dc (22 months and six weeks) and I'm finding it hard to feel sexy.
He doesn't understand why I don't initiate sex at the minute, and I've tried explaining to him that I find it hard to separate 'mummy' me from 'me' me. Ds2 is only six weeks and is ebf, so is literally attached to me at all times and it's hard feeling sexy when your shattered with leaky boobs and maternity bras!
He is a lovely man, and in no way pressures me to have sex, but he wants me to initiate it more. I thought we were doing really well managing to do it a few times since ds2 arrived, but tonight he has said he feels I don't fancy him as I never just grab him for a quick snog or anything, even if it's not leading to sex.
I hate the thought that he feels I don't want him, just finding it hard to get him to understand that our sex life will come back, it's just the furthest thing from my mind at the minute. Hope this makes sense!
Any advise?

Could you not think about letting him come back into bed with you, instead of him being relegated to the sofa?

Just being able to have a cuddle before sleeping...and I mean cuddle...may help to reassure him.

You say he's lovely and pulls his weight around the house and is just looking for 'reassurance' that you still fancy him, fair enough you know him, us posters don't.

I read him as being selfish , jealous , immature and not giving a shite about the fact that you are exhausted, breast feeding and not giving him the attention he feels he deserves.

You had sex before ds2 was 6 weeks and you're honestly saying you didn't feel pressure as he was having a bit of a 'what about me' strop?

As for the brother and wife scenario, so what? do they compare their sex count?

I was having sex long before six weeks with both children and I get very irritated when I see people react the way that many posters have in here. It was (and is!) MY body and how I chose to use it was up to me. For me I wanted to reclaim my sexuality and my relationship and I would not dream if sneering at the no sex for months women so please can we knock that on the head right now.

But that isn't the problem here, it's not about sex. I know your baby is very young but the whole not sharing a bed no physical contact thing for someone male or female who is used to having a lots of touch/ hugs/ closeness can obviously be isolating. I don't think he's a dick. I think he's lonely.

Talk to him op, tell him he is untouched and you are touched out, but both of you remember it passes, it seems like forever at the time but it passes so quickly looking back.

You need to refocus your relationship for this short time.

"I was having sex long before six weeks with both children"

This is all well and good - for you!

The OP has made it clear she doesn't feel sexy at this moment in time, yet her OH is still putting the pressure on [in a very passive aggressive way I hasten to add!]

The consensus seems to be that 6 weeks is no time at all, and it really isn't. I think we first had sex again around this time and to be honest even 2 years down the line our sex life never went back to how it was - granted we were TTC for a year so were at it like mad!

The point isn't even the sex, it's the lack of support and recognition from the OP's partner. He isn't on the same wavelength about it all and seems to be emotionally blackmailing the OP into doing stuff she doesn't want to at this moment in time.

Sorry OP, but he sounds childish and selfish. You have 2 small children, one of whom is just 6 weeks old, and he thinks its all about him?! I'd tell him to feck off.

Sorry to be repetitive and boring but... 6 weeks??!! DD is 11 months and sex is still a rarity here! As for quick snogs... No chance. He needs to back off a little bit and let things go back to 'normal' when you're ready. He sounds like a petulant teenager at the moment. I have never felt less sexy in my life than when I was breastfeeding.

I was having sex long before six weeks with both children

No-one is sneering at you or criticising you for that in any way.
I also wanted to get my sex life back, but it took time and patience, and at no point EVER, did my DH put even the slightest hint of pressure on me. That is what the problem is here.
The OP doesn't feel that sexy and she is not ready to behave in the way her DH wants her to behave - that makes him inconsiderate, not lonely.
If he felt lonely but was considerate, then he would do more to give her a bit of a break, talk to her about how he feels, and make the most of opportunities to snuggle up next to her on the sofa. He need to get a grip and see that she is mentally, physically and emotionally spent at the moment. That will change in time, but for her, she needs more time and more consideration. Complaining that she isn't initiating sex, and he feels rejected, is selfish.