Missing my ex boyfriend

[pinkartset]

So sorry for being such a MASSIVE bore about this. I've already written about this in a couple of threads. I am so sorry for writing about it AGAIN and probably boring the shit out of everyone (if nothing else, spare a moment for my poor real life friends who hear me drone on about this constantly too ...).

I split up with him 2 weeks ago yesterday after a whirlwind 6 month relationship whereby we spent virtually all of our spare time together and managed to cram in an awful lot. It feels like it was a longer relationship because of that.

It had to end because he kept showing jealous/controlling behaviour which was a massive, uncompromising no-no for me so he had to go.

I still love him and still really fancy him. I miss his company, the intimacy, the conversation and the laughter.

I keep wanting to call/text him this evening. I have deleted his number from my phone BUT I know it is on my phone bill information and there are also other ways that I can find it which I can't delete and sometimes its really bloody tempting to dig it up and call him. I don't know what i would say to him though if I did, what I would want to achieve (even though I miss him loads, I think at the very least we are incompatible for each other and also the last couple of months had become increasingly rocky with lots of arguments etc). I also don't want the rejection/humiliation of him not wanting to talk to me.

I have compiled a massive list of things he did that pissed me off together with lots of red flag stuff which I refer to often to remind myself why I should not contact him. But it is still really hard. I keep thinking about the rose tinted stuff too.

I feel like a bit of a dweeb harping on about this. I wish I could fast forward a few weeks/months when hopefully I will be feeling a lot better. Its really starting to do my head in.

Thanks for reading. It helps me writing it out.

You do realise that if you text him he won't reply and you'll be in an even worse position than you are now?

Better that you get it off your chest here than cave in and let him make a fool of you

Or, worse, he will reply. He'll charm the socks off you, you'll fall for him all over again and when he knows he's got you, he'll start being controlling again and you'll have to go through the pain of breaking it off all over again. And it will be harder to do each time.

Just take it an hour at a time. If you can get through an hour without texting him, then concentrate on getting through the next hour.

You do not really love him, your love for him was more likely than not an unhealthy co-dependency.

The rose tinted stuff was all designed to sucker you in, you were targeted by this man. As AF states, get it off your chest here rather than make a further fool of your own self.

Getting it off my chest here is what I intend to do . I think I would definitely lose all my dignity if I rang him up at this point. I won't do it, I just sort of urge to do it if that makes sense (I have vowed to myself I will not drink any alcohol until I'm over him as then I would be too vulnerable to cave in). It has got a bit better over the last week but every now again through out the day I get pangs of "oh no I really miss him" especially in the evenings.

You sound perfectly sensible to me

Stay off the and keep your resolve

There is always somebody here to listen

I know you realise this. But the fabulous time together being intense, all that time is a part of the control? It's appealing, the intensity, the attention and it stops you doing YOUR thing.
You have your time now. Have you made some plans for you? Planned a Christmas how you want it? Thought of a holiday by yourself or with friends? Planned a night out with friends?
Get a really big list together. You'll soon be far too busy to think about texting et.c.

Get busy; do things that exhaust you (take up running or dancing perhaps); accept invitations; look at notice boards for new things to involve yourself in. It will pass.