Ex's stuff - what would you do?

[roadtorouen]

After my LTR ended in June, I've had a hard time getting over the way it ended. He basically stopped speaking to me or meeting up with me and cut me out of his live after 3 years with no emotion or explanation. See my thread here for more info about what happened (www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a2112531-Relationship-ended-Cant-understand-how-he-can-be-so-indifferent-about-it)

Soon after I posted that, I found out more about secrets he was keeping. He'd started seeing someone else from his workplace in March while we were still together so he was basically stringing me along. I also saw him on dating sites lying about how long he'd been single. It's been 4 months NC and I'm starting to move on.

Yesterday I had a bit of a setback when I bumped into his parents while shopping. They were friendly enough and seemed pleased to see me but his mum started going on about a few items he'd left at my house that he wanted back. The way she said it made me a bit annoyed, as if I was deliberately withholding them from him. What really happened was that I'd kept asking him to collect them but he'd refused to come over or even meet up. I made sure she knew this and she seemed shocked (no doubt he's lied to her about things I've said.)

She said she'd ask him to text me and arrange a time to pick the things up or 'maybe she'll come over and get it for him.' This is something I don't want to happen. Firstly, I never want to hear from him again as he really hurt me. Secondly, it's pathetic that a man in his 30s can't have the balls to contact me and needs to send his mum over to get his stuff. The stuff (a few inexpensive things he left here) is now in the boot of my car because I got sick of it being in my hallway.

I just feel like she's got a nerve after the way he's treated me and made me feel like absolute crap by not even giving me an explanation and cheating on me. If I get a text from any of them, I feel like not even replying.

Put the stuff out on the pavement and text his ridiculous mother it will be still there if she can get over quick enough to stop it getting nicked

Job done

Don't give him the satisfaction of being the bitter hard done by one. When she messages you, tell her that you've boxed it all up and its ready for collection on x/y/z day.
Maintain a dignified silence about his actions. Of course he's lied to his family about you, why would he paint himself in a bad light. You know what happened, it was shitty but it's over now and you don't have to waste your life with a man who doesn't deserve you.

I hope you feel better as time passes, I've been there myself and its hard but you can do it

Do you have somewhere you can leave it where you won't see it? Eg a garage or shed? Or a mutual friend you could leave it with so it's out of the way. Don't put yourself out, but you do want this stuff gone and out of sight. If anyone mentions it, you could say that he's got until the end of the month to collect it otherwise it'll go in the bin.

It is indeed pathetic that he is sending his mum round

But if he were being less pathetic, what would you gain?
You don't actually want to see him or interact with him in any way.

Text his mum that it will be outside in a box at a particular time on a particular day.

You don't have to speak to her, or to him.

Yep. Box outside. Text his mum. Job done. Then thank your lucky stars you found out about this prick before you got financially tied to him, had dc together etc. You've dodged a bullet in this one OP.

Oh and look at this way, you are simply making space in the boot of your car.

Of course you can come and get it. I have boxed it up. Actually I could drop it off at your house. No problem. It was lovely to see you again. Bye.

And then forget he ever existed.

Thanks everyone.

Unfortunately I no longer have his mum's number as I lost it when my phone updated and she has obviously deleted mine as she said she'd get it from him. I offered to give it to her when I bumped into her but she said she has no idea how to use her phone and did the whole 'I'm useless with technology' act. So the only person I could text is him - which I'm not going to.

I thought about dropping it off on his doorstep or asking someone to do it for me but he lives miles away in the middle of nowhere and I'm not about to put myself out. Guess I'll see if either of them get in touch.

Send the same text to him then, leave the stuff outside and go out round to a mates/wherever for a couple of hours

This is only as hard as you make it, I am afraid

is there a mutual friend you can leave it with?

Can you just drive past theirs? Stick it on the doorstep with a note 'nice to see you, these are the things you mentioned'.
The difference between his version and your willingness to offload his stuff probably wont make a difference to hpw they see it. At least then the stuff is gone.

If he wants it back that much, why hasn't he contacted you? I think I'd be off to the charity shop with it all (or the tip, if I was feeling particularly ungenerous).

I had an ex leave some of his stuff behind after we broke up, I kid you not his stuff was in a suitcase in my mums loft for 20 years! It went in a skip in the end...

I'd dump it at the mother's or at his, whichever is nearer throw it over the wall. I know you don't want to put yourself out but I think you ought to for this, so you can draw a line under it. Or have a friend drop it off for you, if you're worried about seeing him again.

See if any of them bother to get in touch and then decide based on that?

Is it not stuff you can post / send to him?

Wondering what "stuff" it is that he has managed to do without for months BUT is so important his Mum knows all about it?

You're all much more generous than me, I'd have binned it by now.