Waking up

[Whattodooooo]

Anyone else hate waking up? I forget for about 30s what the situation is and then I remember again and feel sick again.

You mean waking up and feeling dread at the new day? Sure. I think everyone has at one time or another.

Would it help you to tell what it is you're feeling sick about?

Waking up and remembering that the world isn't what you thought it was.
For me, waking up and remembering that I no longer have my perfect marriage as DH cheated and, despite me being willing to work through things, can't forget her so I've asked him to go until he's over her and can do what he needs to for us.
He says it's not the end as it's us, but it feels a lot like it.

I'm so sorry you are going through this!

Yes, I've been there. Not cheated on, but unceremoniously dumped. It is really hard to give up what we thought our lives were going to be. But you have to remember that there are things in your life that you do still have. Family? Work? Children? Friends? Even just remembering that you have your health and a roof over your head can help.

You have done the right thing in asking him to leave, never doubt it. Even though you feel devastated right now, it will get easier. Give yourself a chance to heal and grow stronger. If it's been awhile and you still feel so terrible, consider getting short term counseling. It can do wonders.

I have 2 sons, 2.5yo and 7week old. Which makes me even more gutted as they will never have a loving 'family' home.

You will again! The first step is to get your head around where you are right now... You must be busy so just plough on, on your own. Its crappy, totally crappy but eventually you will wake up one morning think, hey I like the loving family home I have made with my dcs, how cool am I for doing that, and you will realise how hard but lovely being a single parent is.....the rest will come, with someone you meet on the way, and will be amazed at what you have achieved, and worship the ground you walk on xxx

I just can't imagine life not together. And I can't imagine ever being happy again.

I know what you mean and remember how relaxing it was being asleep and how waking up felt like the nightmare. How long has it been since all this happened? The early days can be very acute when it comes to grief.

As for a happy family life and a loving family home - you and your DCs are a perfectly good family. The way you're feeling now will pass eventually and you'll find, like a lot of us who are lone parents, that you develop new routines and new traditions that bring you exceptionally close to your DCs as a family. Your ex can also create his own version of that in his own home and, because your DCs are very, very small, they will grow up with the whole arrangement as quite normal and not stressful at all.

Do you have real people to talk to? Friends? Family? Break-ups are always made worse by the fact that the person you'd normally talk to in a crisis is the person responsible for the crisis. Be with people who love you... fill your days... you've done the right thing getting rid of a cheat.

Its ok to feel like that. Its perfectly normal. But it is worse spending years 'trying' to patch up a relationship. I am glibly giving advice to plough on because the low times for me were such a long time ago now. Talking even to your GP helps, particularly an older female GP was just so lovely to me.

Yes I know exactly what you mean. When my mother died in really sad circumstances it took me three years before I woke up happy again.

Yes, some people to talk to. But it doesn't feel enough iykwim? My head is full of it all the time.

That's kind of reasonable ...even with people to talk to your head is going to be full of it, as you described everything you thing you had in terms of 'happy family' has gone up in smoke.....the partner you held so dear...was not what you thought he was.....but there is a new normal now, you and your dcs....a new chapter ....fill your head with something else, or just keep busy ticking off hours, days, weeks, months until your head is no longer filled. It will happen but in time. You have suffered a huge loss.:-(

That makes sense. I never realised how painful this would be. Trying to be a half decent mum and do something with toddler so he doesn't spend his entire life watching peppa pig with me sobbing in a corner lol!

He won't remember the sobbing in the corner...well done for having a go at doing something with him...its a positive and when after time you add all theses little things up that you are trying to do day in day out, it will become a pattern, and the bigger stuff will seem easier to achieve. He is watching bit of tv....its not like you are sedating him so you can cry in the corner....:-) You are more than a half decent Mum, you are a great Mum who will bring up a little boy to respect what loving relationships really mean....ie....not playing away xxx

Yes but for different reasons.

You are entitled to cry and mourn. And a day (or a week) of Peppa Pig isn't going to hurt. Lord knows I parked my two in front of the telly more than I should when I needed a break! They're both fine men, so no harm done.

Give yourself time. Then give yourself more time. You aren't going to get over this in a day or two. But each day you will find that you are able to keep in together a little more. And then you will see that you are smiling again. Then laughing.

Be kind to yourself. Please do talk to someone in rl. It may not feel like enough right now, but it will soon.