Should I tell DS about my new relationship?

[nozzernoodles]

I am currently going through the motions to divorce my husband who lives abroad and 3 months ago started a new a relationship with a new man.

DS is 10 and because his dad lives abroad and visits rarely I have been a single parent for the past 6-8 years doing all the childcare etc.

Since starting this new relationship I have also started a new job which has me travelling at least once a week, which is admittedly bad timing.

I meet with new DP mainly for coffee or a drink when DS is at after school clubs etc, but also one day/evening each weekend. DS is struggling with seeing me less as for the past 10 years he's been pretty much attached to my hip!

I feel it's too soon to tell him as it's still early days, but I also don't want him to think I've been lying to him (I've just been telling him I'm meeting friends for drinks).

I am also worried declaring this relationship could cause problems with my divorce when ExH finds out and don't want to put DS in a difficult position in that respect!

What do I do!!! I'm so confused and just want to do the right thing for him, but can't decide what that is!

I should say, I have completely fallen hard for new DP and I am in this relationship for the long game, as far as Ivan know I am after 3 months.

3 months is still casual boyfriend timing, too early really to talk of them as long term DP., and so probably far too early to give a more indepth explanation to your son, telling him you're going for a drink with a friend is perfectly true as this guy is a friend Id hope

Yes that's what I think too. But he's not used to me hanging out with make friends and he interrogates me every time I go out. I don't want to lie to him and make him feel insecure, but I agree it's probably too early to tell him.

It doesn't help that my mum (who is great and helps me with babysitting) is getting stressed about it too. She keeps saying it's too early to tell him, but she's really happy I'm moving on. She us happy to babysit when we go out but is really struggling with lying to him. She's got my head in a complete spin!

I would probably tell him a closer version of the truth, tbh.

At 10 they can tell straight away if they think you are hiding something, and the danger is he''ll start filling in the gaps himself and it might worry him unnecessarily, when a simple but truthful explanation might be enough to reassure him.

My DS is also 10 and I''ve been quite open with him in last year or so about going on dates / having a boyfriend, and he seems to be fine with it. I felt I had to as he often picks up my phone and might see texts, or hear me speaking on the phone in the evening.

He asked to meet the last one (after about 3 weeks!) but I said not until I was sure it was serious. It turned out not to be, so they didn't meet in the end, but he seemed pretty relaxed about the whole thing.

Iirc initially I just tend to say I have a new friend who might become my boyfriend if we get on well together - then I usually get 20 questions on his name, what he does, does he have DC etc

Thanks diagonally, it's sounds like you've got it worked out well with your DS. He is definitely thinking something is up and for the first couple of weeks I was paranoid about my phone, but I've since worked out how to stop messages showing on the home screen so that's a bit better.

He's still coming to terms with me and his dad getting divorced so that adds to the confusion for him bless him. It's all really bad timing, but sometimes I guess things just happen. I think I'm going to leave it for another couple of weeks and then think about introducing the idea of having a new friend like you suggest and go from there.