Is it true that it takes half the time you were with someone to get over them?

[pinkartset]

I've read and heard this quite a lot, that it takes half the time you were with someone to get over them?

I split up with my boyfriend of 6 months 2 weeks ago today and am still feeling like shit about it. Really miss him even though he was not the one for me (he was a jealous type, didn't like me going out without him, also was quite manipulative and made me second guess myself constantly BUT we also had great times together). It is sometimes a struggle not to text/call him tbh. I daren't drink anything alcoholic when I'm feeling like this as I KNOW I will drunk dial him...

I am in my early thirties and have of course dealt with the end of relationships before but I can't really remember how long it took me to get over them. Also in my twenties I think I would have had the tendency to bury my feelings or move on to rebound relationships etc. I think because I did this it took me longer to actually get over them if that makes sense. I want to deal with the emotions that I'm feeling this time round so won't be doing any burying/rebounds this time. I want my time to grieve for the relationship.

Would you say, in your experience, that this rule makes sense? That means I should start to feel better by early January.

Fortunately, that's rubbish. I had a seven year relationship that took probably three years to get over and a four year relationship that I was over in two months. Both ended in my thirties. I think it depends what else is going on in your life - how stable everything else is. When the seven year one ended I had to move house, move county and get a new job so it was a real life changer. The four year one ended when I was 36 and potentially could have been more damaging as I thought it meant no chance for me to have children ever. Anyway, I found it much easier to get over as the rest of my life was good.

I recommend online dating/ flirting to give you an ego boost.

I have just split from BF of 6 months and although I am feeling terrible at the moment and expect to for a few weeks to come. I certainly hope that it won't take three months to begin to feel better. As much as anything I begrudge giving him more time than necessary to mess with my emotions!

i don't think it's a real rule of thumb. Yet you will feel better, gradually.

take care.x

Nope.
ExH. With him 9 yrs. found out about affair during year 7. Over him by year 8. Year 9 was the 'guilt over kids' extraction process.

God I hope not! I couldn't bear the thought that it's going to take me 13 years to be 'over' him! (shock)

Huh? I've never heard that. It takes how long it takes.

It's bollocks.

I got over dumping my bf of 10months in about 3 weeks.

I got over dumping my husband of 13 years in about 6 weeks after I discovered his affair.

Life is too short to indulge in wallowing and self pity.

Feeling the impact will last longer, but I get over people very quickly.

I believe it's a month for every year you're with someone. Not an exact science (obviously!)

Oh God I do hope not, or I've got another 15 years of this crap.

Its bollocks otherwise people who'd been married for 20 odd years would take over 10 years to get over it.
Some people never get over it, we are all different.
hope you begin to feel more positive and can move on soon.

It's only true if you let it be true!

I am with folk girl on this! Life is too short and there really are plenty more fish in the sea!

I think it's roughly about 1 month for every year you were together.

Bollocks.

11 year relationship, over it by 6 months.

2 month fling, 3 years and counting...

Depends on what you mean by "get over it", doesn't it? I have things that happened to me when I was a child that still affect me, so I doubt that in another 11 years or 17 months (depending on your calculations, neither very appetising) I'm going to wipe my brow and say "Finally I can cancel that bulk order of tissues".

Bullshit.

I was over exH by the time he'd shut the door behind him

I've got an exbf from years ago who I wonder if I ever got over....

Why on earth would anyone think there was a formula for human emotions?

You'll get over it at your own pace, it depends on so many factors.

It took me 2-3 years to get over an abusive marriage of 12 years, because I had to do a lot of work on myself to understand how the fuck I had gotten myself in that situation and stayed for so long. There was a lot to process.

For my last on/off relationship that lasted 1 year, I was over it the minute I finally ended it, because I was just so over all the heartache and bullshit and mindfuckery by the time I pulled the plug.

So it varies. What never varies, though, is that you do get over it, and end up feeling way happier! :)

Best thing to do now is to keep busy with people and things you like. Being engaged in positive stuff stops you mulling over the hurt and the what ifs.