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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

ExDP wants new GF to meet out Dc's, it's only been 6wks. Too soon?

6 replies

AmserGwin · 18/10/2014 18:55

Have been split up from EXDP since just before last Xmas (Fairly amicable, no-one else involved etc) after 10 years and two DC together. They are aged 4 & 8 and live with me full time. We don't have a set agreement for when he sees them, just work it out week to week depending on work etc. He works away so only has them the odd night at weekends (not every weekend)
So he has a new partner (I don't know her at all), who lives near where he works away which is 3hrs drive away. She works in the office that deals with his work. Anyway, he wants to take Dc's to meet her as he is finding it hard to see her and the dc's so would be killing two birds with one stone so to speak. I've said no, it's too soon. They have been together about 6 weeks. I don't have a problem with them meeting her as such, but don't want them to stay at hers for the whole weekend when they have just met her! He says it's serious, they have been friends for a long time. Am I BU? I Admit I am a bit Jealous as I knew he would be the first to move on. She has a 2year old boy too just to complicate things even more. Our 4 year old still comes to my/his bed in the night and I would hate for him to go to 'their' bed and be confused. Am I being selfish?

OP posts:
ThinkIveBeenHacked · 18/10/2014 18:57

Six weeks is far too soon. Far far too soon.Irrespective of how you feel towards Ex, or your jealousy, six weeks is stupid.

Especially as he seems to be saying it because it "kills two birds" rather than it being in the dcs best interests.

AmserGwin · 18/10/2014 19:01

Thanks for reply, when I wrote it down I could see how ridiculous it looked. He didn't actually say 'kill two birds with one stone' but that was the sort of intention IYSWIM. I'm trying to be reasonable, but its hard. It actually helps that she has a DC as hopefully she will be better at looking after mine Sad. Also I will worry about them being driven 3hrs away and back

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ThinkIveBeenHacked · 18/10/2014 19:02

Itd be different if he approached it as "lets go.meet one of daddies friends and her little boy at the park" - like a playdate. But I would be steadfast about the dcs being sheilded from anything more than her just being a vague friend of dads who has a little boy the same age.

WakeyCakey45 · 18/10/2014 19:06

Meeting casually for dates with the DCs would be ok at that age as they'd be fairly oblivious - but for staying over is too soon, IMO.

But, it's his choice, you've made your feelings known and you can't withhold contact because his judgement is impaired.

AmserGwin · 18/10/2014 19:08

The playdate scenario is a good idea. I don't know where they would stay though as he has a house near me, and stays in a caravan when he works away, but I suppose that's his problem not mine. He would have to get a hotel or something?

OP posts:
AmserGwin · 18/10/2014 19:09

I'm not and would never withhold contact by the way, I'm just saying no to this as it's far too soon

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