Dream about 'first love' has knocked me.

[FruitCakey]

I am married and have been for 5 years. We have a lovely DS who is our everything.

I met my 'first love' when I was 12, we got together when we were 13 and stayed together until we were 14. In that time, we both lost our virginity hussy I know and had a very intense, loving relationship. Things then ended because I suspected he liked a girl at school which ended up being true. Normal school drama really. I can't even describe the pain I felt continuously for months afterwards. As others will probably know as 'first love' break ups are pretty crap.

When I was 15, DH and I got together. We have been together for 10 years now. DH and I went through a rough patch 6 years ago when DS was born. 'First love' helped me by being there. There was also sexual chemistry between us. I ignored it because I wanted to make things work with DH. Life went on, DH and I were happy again. However, 'First love' and I exchanged a few intimate text messages a few years later when DH was working away and he had a partner too. It stopped not long after because 'first love' and I argued about me not telling him I was visiting my parents (first love lives close to parents, and I don't) and he wanted to see me. He told me I'd always be special and that was that.

At times I dream about him and when I wake up, I still feel intense emotions towards him but manage to shake it off. Last night though, I dreamt about him and I have woken up feeling sad. I miss him and I wanted the dream to continue. I then popped him a message on FB to see how he is. He is now married with a baby on the way (with the same girl he was with when we were sending intimate texts). I would, of course never ever express my feelings. I just had the usual chit chat and catch up. I just want to shake these feeling once and for all. I am struggling. Is this a normal with regards to 'first loves?' Help me sort my head out, please. Thank you.

I often dream I am back with one of my XPs.

In the dreams I am always quite happy with them and only a little sad that things obviously didn't work out with DH.

Then I wake up thinking NOOOOOOOOO thank fuck it's just a dream!

The reality really wouldn't be so pleasant.

dreams are just random products of body chemistry and are never important, relevant or anything else.

you married very young and it may, or may not last. But a good way to wreck it is to start an emotional affair with someone else.

decide what you want out of your marriage. If you want it to continue, work on it. Leave school romance in the past where it belongs.

I often dream that I am smoking again (quit 13 years ago)

Just because I enjoy it in the dream doesn't mean it would be a great idea to do it again today.

Dreams are weird.

Someone once described books as 'imaginary gardens with real fairies living in them.' (I think I have that quote right. ) Dreams like the one you are describing can be similar -- they're in your head (obviously) but the people in them can be real, and the emotions they kick up can be supef-powerful, especially in the hours immediately after waking. I imagine this one will fade in the days to come, and that will be both a good thing and also a rather sad one, letting go of 'first love' all over again.

Reading your post, I couldn't help wondering......do you not want to be with your DH? You have an infatuation with someone you were with as children that is distracting you from your current relationship. I would see this as your warning sign that something is not satisfactory in you or your marriage, not the idea that he's the one that 'got away'.
Pining away over a 'lost love' is at best pitiful. He's an ex for a reason. His eyes were wandering and you were so young! And he isn't respecting the boundries of your marriage either with him sniffing around you. It all sounds very teenagerish.
At best, he may be a bit of drama that is distracting you from your marriage.

Stopstalkingme I think you may be right. About everything.

Knowing it is half the battle. At least now, you know where to direct your energies. Your marriage. Good luck.

My 'first love' was a complete and utter arrogant bell end! I hadn't seen him for twenty odd years and he was at a party I attended three years ago and I was horrified that he has not changed at all. Still uses the same phrases and the same crummy jokes and is still as arrogant and aloof as it's possible to be. It was horrendous. He immediately started telling me all about his family and his life and I had not asked and did not care then and do not care now. Utter toss pot! The only dream I want to have with him in it is the one where I have my boot on his throat! I think about shagging him now and want to crawl into a hole!

I used to dream about my 'first love' regularly (although we've only ever been really good friends, never boyf/girlf) and it would always shake me massively. Relationship with DH has been good but hard, so it always seemed a nice idea to think about the other guy.

It has taken probably 5 years but i have just fought it and fought it, and finally, about 9 months ago, realised that i genuinely haven't had any sort of feelings about him any more. I think it was after having a coffee with him and subsequently dreaming about him but NOT feeling anything other than platonic emotions. And since then the dreams appear to have stopped.

Keep at it. Hopefully you'll get there, like I did.