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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I being silly ? Long ...

6 replies

K1975 · 01/10/2006 10:53

Hi - I need some advice please ?

I have been 'best friends' with someone on and off since we were 2 years old - we are now both in our thirties.

The thing is, my best friend is not a nice person sometimes, she lies, is very manipulative etc etc because I know her so well, I know all her tricks. To other people she seems wonderful at first until they get to know her properly.

However, we've stuck together. We go out with our husbands as they get on really well too. I've been there through thick and thin, she had an affair last year and her husband found out and left her for a while, and I was there for her all along.

Lately she's been really really self centred - everything's got a price on it or she has to be better than everyone else, but I put this down to her own insecurities.

She has taken up with some new friends at the moment. Last night we went out to the local pub and everyone was there, she didn't say a word all night to me, I might as well not even existed. I had a brand new outfit, shoes, bag etc, and she didn't even comment once, even though I said she looked nice.

She was just a complete cow. Laughing and joking with the new 'single' 20 year old friends and turning her back on me.

What do I do ? I know it's just a fad and that she'll soon get bored of her new friends but do I put up with it ? She doesn't even reply to my text messages for days on end and then it's a quick rushed response as she's going to meet them at the pub or something. She does have issues at home with her husband still, do you think all this stems back to that ?

Part of me just feels like I'm jealous, but I'm not. I have a very happy marriage, we don't need to be going out all the time and I think she resents that.

Has anybody had similar experiences with 'best friends' ?

OP posts:
CreepyCrawlyCarmenere · 01/10/2006 10:56

People just grow apart sometimes as they get older. Put some distance between you, tbh you don't sound like you really like each other.

anorak · 01/10/2006 10:58

Why on earth are you bothering with her? Don't let people treat you like this.

K1975 · 01/10/2006 11:08

You may have a point about growing apart. We'll have to see. Thing is, I could be the best thing since sliced bread next week and she'll be fine with me again. I just never know.

I'm not going to contact her, see how long it takes for her to get in touch.

OP posts:
lulumama · 01/10/2006 14:11

erm..why do you want her to get back in touch? sounds an absolute shallow , nasty piece of work - for you to have stuck by her , when she is clearly totally self serving and selfish ...

i was very close to someone for 12 years - but after a while - realised we had nothing left in common and i actually didn't want to be her friend, regardless of whether she wanted to be mine!! she did some petty, nasty stuff too..

you don;t have to stay friends with people just because you have grown up with them and feel obliged - when you are not worrying about her , i bet you'll have time to discover new and genuine friends!

i know 'breaking friends' sounds a bit school playground ! but if she is contributing nothing positive to your life and is in fact a drain on you...get rid

its awful only being someone's friend when they want something...

she might be insecure, but that;s not your problem - is that why she had an affair/ blanked you / ditched you ?

sorry to rant - but i think as women we feel compelled to 'save' people and always be there for them come what may....give yourself a break.. you have given your all and it's been thrown back in your face!

AttilaTheMeerkat · 01/10/2006 15:00

K1975

You do not need this person in your life - she is an "emotional vampire". The type that bleeds you dry emotionally.

A person cannot act as someone's rescuer or saviour in any relationship.

wartywarthog · 01/10/2006 19:13

k1975 - have been in exactly the same position. i was 'best friends' with someone since we were 4. sounds horrible but i kept making an effort because i felt we'd been friends for so long i couldn't let her down. she was awful - a real taker, used to make really hurtful remarks, a really nasty person. i decided that i didn't want her at my wedding. i knew she'd spoil the day as she's very bitter and jealous. i told her i didn't want to stay in contact. was awful - hers and my family are friends and everyone tried to pressurise me into making up. i stood my ground and i'm so glad i did. i have no more contact with her and it's a relief.

if i were you, i'd just not make the effort any more. she's treating you badly because she knows she can get away with it. you need to make a stand.

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