scared and dont know what to do

[notjustamom]

hi guys

last september i was walking home at about 8pm when a man pulled me into a car and raped me. I wont give any details as I dont think I could handle it but it was my first time. I didnt tell anyone about it for 2months. That was when i was constantly throwing up and my dad took me to the docs and she told me I was pregnant. I guess the news was too much for me as i fainted and when I became concious i couldnt stop crying. I managed to tell them briefly what had happened. My dad was very supportive and I decided to keep the baby. I now have a 6month old DS. however no one from my 6th form know i have a child or what has happened as i had him dyring the easter holidays and then went back. also i wasnt really showing that much and he was a preemie.
yesterday a guy who has known me for a while but doesnt know about anything thats happened in the last year told me he has feelings for me and i had any for him and if so would I like to go out with him. I was saved by the bell. I dont know what to do, what if he hurts me? Id also have to tell him about everything thats happened to me. what should i do?
has anyone ever had a similar experience?
sorry for it being so long.

You are so brave. I am so sorry that has happened to you. I am glad your family are being supportive.

You need to talk about these things to a professional to help you understand your feelings.

With this boy, tell him that you like him but right now you just want to be friends. If he respects that then he is one of the good ones. Not all men are nasty horrible bastards in fact most of them aren't. Your horrible experience is ruining things for you.

Your gp can refer you for counselling.

LEMingaround im not sure if im ready to talk to a professional about everything thats happened. while my dad is supportive the rest of my family said i was asking for it. i know it was stupid of me to walk home on my own at that time.

as for the guy, if he brings it up again i will ask him if we can be friends for know.

You were not wrong to be walking home at that time and you were not asking for it. You are perfectly entitled to walk on your own at any time you choose and not expect to be attacked.

Please consider talking to a professional, I think it would really help you to speak to someone outside your family about what you have been through.

Can I all of you went to the police? It's not too late.

(((()))) hugs to you OP.

I am so angry with your family!! No way were you asking for it. Everyone has the right to walk along a street at any given time without being attacked.

I do think you need to speak to a professional though. To help you come to terms with this. This was in no way your fault. I think you also need to report this person. He needs brought to justice for what he has done!!xx

I am sorry to hear that you have had such a rough time and I wanted to say that you sound absolutely amazing going back to school and being a full time mum. Wow and big hugs to you.

Please go to counselling when you fell ready, please report the attack and please do not listen to the people saying you asked for it. You absolutely did not. You have every right to walk home. The man who did that to you is 101% in the wrong. Please do not think for a moment that you did anything wrong. Xx

I'm so sorry this happened to you. You were not wring for walking home alone, he was wrong to rape you. If a rapist wants to rape he will, nothing you wear or do will make a difference.
I would highly recommend counselling. Over the years I tried 3 different ones until I found someone who suited me. Ask your GP for a referral.

I guess im scared that if I speak to someone they'll judge me or pity me and I don't want that.

As for going to the police can you still do that if its been over a year? what if they dont believe me, after all I decided to keep a rapists baby at 16 (17 now).

I still get nightmares and wake up crying/ screaming. I just want it to stop.

www.rapecrisis.org.uk/ will neither judge nor pity you, and they'll be able to support you while you make a decision whether to report or not.

Oh my lovely.
I am sorry this has happened to you.
This is not your fault.

I know it seems unbearable, but you need to talk to someone. Rapecrisis as someone has linked to, are great.

I know how you feel, i have been there & I didn't deal with it for a very long time & it really affected my life. I don't want the same for you x

You poor love, what an awful time you've had and you've been so strong. Ignore those idiots who say you were asking for it, you hold none of the fault whatsoever, the only person who is TOTALLY responsible for it is the evil bastard that attacked you. Please do try to contract rape crisis, they are a wonderful organisation that will understand and support you as much as they can, sending you strength and virtual hand holding x

You could be walking naked at 3 am and you still would not be "asking" to be raped. Your family are very wrong. A good counsellor would not pity you or judge you.

I agree that rape crisis is a good place to start. Good luck

Notjustamom, you were Definately not asking for it.

Walking down a street at any time of the night or day, wearing whatever you want is perfectly acceptable and legal. Attacking a woman is not.

He chose to do this, there was nothing you could have said or done.

Rape crisis are open from 12 until 2.30 today then later from 7 until 9.30 their phone number is 0808 802 9999. Hopefully counselling may stop the nightmares.

The police can still be informed now. You can speak to a female officer if you would feel happier to do so. You can report many years later, you may have seen in the news many people have reported assaults years later.

I am sorry that this happened to you. Please get support so the nightmares stop and don't feel that you cannot involve the police. You did nothing wrong.

I agree with a pp, if the boy is a good un he will accept just being friends.

Good luck op, I sincerely hope you seek support. You endured an horrific crime and support services are out there. Take care xxx

Please talk to Rape Crisis and also the police. It was in the news this week that reports of rape, recent and historic, have gone up massively in the last year. That's in part because of 'celebrity' sexual assault cases that have hit the headlines and in part because victims have more confidence in coming forward. It's recognised now that victims delay in reporting for all kinds of legitimate reasons.

We believe you. The police will also take anything you say 100% seriously. I'm sure your baby is lovely but do remember that he's also DNA evidence.

Please get help. You're the victim of a crime and there is someone walking around uninvestigated and unpunished.

I am glad your dad is being supportive. That is very important. It is SO NOT your fault. You have a right to go out whenever you want to and I am sick of people thinking this is still the middle ages/middle east. That creature did NOT have to rape you, but decided to. He grabbed you so cannot say you 'walked into this willingly'. Have a real hard think about whether or not you do want to take this further. It is entrely up to you. Of course, like Cogito says, there is DNA evidence.....

I think you are amazing for keeping the baby.

As regards the guy at school, early days. You can start out as friends. He doesn't need to know anything yet - you are not getting married tomorrow!!!!

However, further down the line if you and he want to 'become an item' then you will have to have the talk. That first time 'doesn't count' as it was rape. But you need to take your time in a relationship and make sure you feel comfortable.

Thanx for ur comments everyone. I had a look at the rape crisis website and I think I might try councilling over the phone to start of with.

As for reporting to the police im not sure im ready to do that yet.

That's fine. You go at your own pace. The important thing right now is to do what is best for you, so you can deal with it emotionally.

Glad you're going to talk to someone. Hope it goes well