strange behaviour

[FoxyRedd]

This last week my partner of 9 years has been acting odd. He is very short tempered, dismissive of anything i have to say, rude and whenever i talk he isnt listening. He is very very angry and i have no idea why. We are remortgaging right now but I doubt it is that. When i say he is being rude he denies he is and says i am the one witg the problem.
Even though i havent slept in the last year because our son wakes 5 times a night, i let him sleep in til 10;30am. He wakes up, comes down stairs and i start cleaning kitchen. He says "god i just want to make a cup of tea and toast" so rudely. It was like a red rag to a bull and i blasted him. He now says i am rude. What?
Should i start digging to find what the truth is?

This is new? He's never been like this before?
How old is your son?

Do not underestimate the impact of financial hardship on a relationship. I assume he gets his arse out of bed to go to work

Yep, something's up. You need to dig.

Oh and the sleep thing. When do you get a lie in?

Yes he works very very hard. The remortgage is done deal.
When i say he being rude he totaly denies it and says im a psycho. ???

I would start with telling him how you feel right now. How life and what he does/doesn't do is affecting you. 'I feel...' etc. See what he says. Be very honest and see how he reacts. And then trust your instincts. It could be something or nothing. Depends on what he says.

I dont. When kids get up im up..i can never go back to sleep

X post. He shouldn't be minimalising your feelings and calling you psycho.... that's just not on.

I just did and he bounces it back on me. He said "i said nicely all i wanted was a cup of tea" he did but not in the tone he used. He is making me feel like im going crazy

I've had this in the past...being spoken to with contempt like a barely tolerated irritant, then accused of trouble making/being argumentative/rudeness if I dared complain.
Basically fuck that. No way Jose.

Just told me he doesnt want to be with someone like me..... so there we go.
ive got no job, no money, 2 kids, not married and my name isnt on the deeds. What the fuck do i do now?

He also has 2 kids and he isn't married either.
Ask him to move out. He can keep paying for the house his children live in. He can pay maintenance.
You can get a job.

Might give him a wake up call. And if not then you move forwards. Life as an LP is better than life with a rude obnoxious gaslighting tit.

Sorry for your situation, it sounds horrid.

My DH is very similar - rude but it's me being argumentative, more tired than me, irritated by me. I too often feel like I am going la-la. But then he flips to Mr. Nice guy when he wants to be.

How long has it been going on for you (i.e. is this a change in character, or has he always been like the and if so, is he worse post kids?)

On e of the best pieces of advice I have seen on MN is this: When he says he's not into you, Listen to him .

Save yourself months of dithering about waiting to be hurt more.

What you do is leave it for now while you gather your strength and research about logistics or you could tell him to leave tonight. Either way, it can't stay in this state for much longer.

Sorry op it sounds like there's another woman in the back ground as he's been gas lighting you to start arguments, he's now looking for the big row so he can walk out and blame you.

Agree with guilty pleasures (apt name!) I'm afraid. I'm really sorry. It's vile and I'd look to start protecting your interests wherever possible.

"He also has 2 kids and he isn't married either.
Ask him to move out. He can keep paying for the house his children live in. He can pay maintenance.
You can get a job.

Might give him a wake up call. And if not then you move forwards. Life as an LP is better than life with a rude obnoxious gaslighting tit."

^
This.