Social media is driving me nuts

[BrummieMummyof3]

Ping, pop, “typing…”
Social media spiralling
Phone, computer, tablet
Screens everywhere
Before and after sex
Even on the loo
Nowhere is protected
I’m feeling invaded

And then the situation worsens
Private facebook groups develop
Not everyone allowed in
Confidentiality to protect
But within a marriage?
Where’s the trust and respect?
Fear of removal from the group takes priority
So secrets are not shared
Other friends invited in
But the wife doesn’t fit

A group of secret friends
Chuckling at the screen
But the humour is not shared
With the family around him

Secretive behaviour
Crude comments ‘popping’ up
More and more distracted
Sucked in and addicted
First thing in the morning
till last thing at night

What about real life?
Ups and downs, become more downs
Distrust follows secrets
Anxiety creeps in

PARANOIA, PARANOIA, PARANOIA

Where is the solution?
Can we ban the screen time?
“This is modern life, my love”
Is it? IS IT??

Without the adoration of his facebook fans
His mood spirals downwards
Needs his release
Gets a buzz from the praise

So we’re caught in a circle
I’m slowly cracking up
Where’s the husband that I married?
I didn’t sign up for this

Anyone else losing their husband to social media?

If he's excluding you, that's his fault. It's down to him.

If he can't cut down, he needs to see a doctor. It's an addiction. But given that he's excluding you, I'm presuming he just doesn't want too.

I'm sorry to say that social media isn't the problem in your marriage. Your husband is .

I'm well qualified to say this, by the way. I'm a social media consultant.

An arse is an arse, and would be so with or without social media.

Not many years ago he'd perhaps have hung out with his mates at the pub and told you not to come.

Why aren't you allowed in his private group? I'd want a good reason for that.

Social media is potentially always present so I think the risk of exclusion is higher. But arseholes existed long before favebook etc.

The private group is a support group and so has to stay private for the confidentiality of the group members. However, due to the nature of the group, friendships have developed and so the group has taken on a more social (but private) role too. It is this side of things that has lead to unease on my part and the sheer amount of time spent online.

The poem was really a way of me expressing some of my pent-up feelings. He has agreed to cut down now but I wondered whether other women are finding social media very intrusive on family life?

Yep. Vehicle for distancing himself, inviting in "friends" I knew nothing about. Every evening he sits there texting, smiling at witty comments never shared and posting randon comments re awesome non- events. Most of it seems like narcissistic drivel to me - and this replaces real life interaction with me and DS. But his choice - reap what you sow.

Yes. Computer game addiction ruined our relationship and now social media addiction means he can pretend he has a life, happily liking away at others events and happy photos out and about, whilst doing nothing to sort out his own life or create happy times for us. Bitter; moi?

Too much wine, hence repetition of word 'happy. ' oh and I'm addicted to here.

Hi BrummieMummy

I get annoyed at my partners addiction with fb. I am just as bad in some ways. For some reason after we have sex she is on fb within minutes. Then again I go for a cig. I am always jealous that she is on fb as I just think the sex wasn't very good if she can go on fb minutes or even seconds after!!!!! But then again I go fr a cig. Either way I find fb a relationship nightmare. I told her once only a few months after starting to see her that one day someone would write a play about the dangers of fb!!! I see it as a good thing for family and friends who live far apart....but on the other hand I see it as a free dating site! Not that I want that but I know and have seen what men use it as! I have recently suggested to my partner that we have 2 nights free from the internet in any way shape or form. So far that seems a good idea. good luck

I wondered whether other women are finding social media very intrusive on family life?

Everyone's too busy on MN to notice...

I think you can cut down on some of the intrusiveness, such as put alerts on silent, so at least there aren't constant beeps, and making a rule that you that you don't have devices at meal tables and so on - but I guess you need enough communication to come to that agreement.

It doesn't have to be that way. My ex shared some of his chat groups with me, and I'm still FB friends with a couple of his friends from there.

It's the secrecy and withdrawing that's an issue, rather than social media per se. I guess a generation ago, there would have been more going to the pub, immersion in a hobby or cause or something - there are always ways to withdraw from being active in the family you're part of, and social media is just the tool he's using in this case.

Hands up. Its pissing me of so much i might just throw his phone in the toilet.