What would you have done?

[HeyHoHum]

Ok I have a friend been friends for 20 years we are both single parents she has DC aged 10 and 7, I have one aged 4.

These days we get together about once a month just me and her. Last month I suggested that we do something with all the kids, as in a day out somewhere. I asked her where did she think and she had no ideas so I suggested A if it was ok weather, B if not. She was fine with that.

So today the weather is fine where we are and good forecast for tomorrow so I texted her to say plan A was looking good. She then texted back to say her eldest didn't want to go to A or B. I asked where he would be happy going and she said bowling. I said that bowling may be ok (I've never taken ds before) but it would only be an hour or so and it seemed a shame to not make most of fine weather. I suggested another place but again her eldest didn't want to go there either. She said she was sorry but she couldn't make her eldest go and I replied that it would have been better if she'd asked her eldest previously rather than day before but as I'd promised my son a day out I would just take him on my own and perhaps we could all go bowling together another time. I was a bit disappointed as it's obviously nice to have company when going on days out and if I'd known that it wasn't going to work with going with my friend and her kids I could have maybe arranged something with another friend.

My friend seemed a bit miffed, not sure whether I should have just gone bowling now?.

Oh of course you can force a child to do something they don't want to do - get a grip of yourself & if you can't think of anything worse for a 10 year old than to have to spend the day with a 4yo & a 7yo at a fun place then I suggest you are making your 10 year old grow up far too fast and never watch the news.

The two outdoor places I suggested were a huge farm park and a zoo. Granted probably more popular with younger ones but I thought suitable for whole family.

The problem is the age gap. You could maybe have gone bowling and then after done the other thing you suggested.

However just seen what your suggestions were and mine would have gone to those things when they were 10.
Maybe the problem was the 10 year old didn't want to spend the day with younger children?

The places are just over hours drive away so wouldn't be time to do both.

Anyway I think the lesson learned is just to spend time me and her and not organise anything as a group. Just thought it would have been nice that's all and I suppose not having much knowledge of older kids didn't foresee a problem and if there was would have liked to have known in advance.

Also just wanted to make clear I wasn't expecting a 10 year old to want to go to a play park.

My DS (10) does still like farm park type places, but there are many days out that he would have happily done a couple of years ago and now get the full "it's boring" grumpy treatment (eg NT properties). I think it's a shame your friend didn't produce any suggestions of her own when you first discussed it, but yes finding things that suit a 4yo and a 10yo is quite a tall order.

Heyhohum
That's one spoilt 10yo who gets to dictate the day. I'm used to an 8 and 4 yo never wanting to go anywhere if they're playing minecraft or smallworlds on pc. I ignore that and they have a lovely outing, eventually Childhood memories are not comprised of all the time spent on the tablet/DS/PC but of the times you were somewhere new with actual humans. I always had my nose in a book, my brother was happy to grub about in the garden. And we were taken to Stately Homes in the nicest sense so not always that amazing for kids. A Farm Park or the zoo especially are good choices. Bowling is expensive, over quite quickly and indoors. Your friend is in for some fun in the teenage years if she's being dictated to now.

When my eldest was 8 I could have said exactly the same Fusspot, we would have to persuade him to come on days out (eg NT) but he would love them once we did. I have been quite shocked at how rapidly that has changed in the last couple of years and you can't force him to enjoy somewhere now, he may not do anything specifically bad, but his grumpy mood and lack of engagement bring the day down for the rest of us. A lot of the time he is still happy to come on family days out, but we have had a few that really haven't been worth the aggro.

I hear you, who knows, and i have 2 olders DSCs now in their twenties, so I've seen the darkness that lies ahead! But the parents are entitled to do something with their leisure time too. However bloody miserable the DC make it with their moaning.

I think for me its not making the 10 year old do it-of course that can be done!
Its putting up with the inevitable whining all bloody day!

It is disappointing when our plans involving others, go wrong but in reality the only person that can be absolutely relied upon is YOU.
In order to keep and retain friends you need to be as accepting of them as possible, providing that their behaviour does not annoy you MOST of the time. It is pretty inevitable that they are going to annoy you SOME of the time, because they are not YOU.
Your friend needs to sort out an activity that her 10 year old likes. Then she can present her choice to you and you can say either 'yes ' or ' no'
In the circumstances, because of the age gap between your children, I would always have a contingency plan in place and try and be calm and cool about it.
Relying on others for anything should be a last resort