Have NC for this as it could out me and I would rather not have someone discovering it was me and then going through my posting history, also I am sorry this is long I just want to try and give all the info that I can.
Basically, my niece has cut me out of her life.
She grew up in a very chaotic household with a mother who I can only describe as toxic.
Her mother and my brother were very young when they had my niece and it didn’t last, she complained that he was “always out at work” and she got bored at home without him, he was doing some kind of manual labouring job at that point and she suggested he would be just as well off on the dole and that way she would see him, this argument went on and on for a while and one night she attacked him.
He left. He always paid to support my niece and tried to be there as much as he can, spent time with her, tried to be a good dad.
I have also always had a close relationship with my niece, but it was rocky at first, for instance, her first Christmas, I took her some gifts, her mother opened the door and said “she doesn’t need you anymore, I have anew boyfriend now she has his family” and slammed the door in my face. It took a lot of work but in the end we started to build a relationship. I would pick her up from school twice a week and help her with her homework and take her to the park, as she got older I took her on days out and holidays, as I knew her homelife was a bit chaotic, so I wanted her to have nice memories.
Again as she got older and became a teenager her mother had another child, she would routinely leave my niece looking after her sister to go to the pub, she would pretty much spend all her money on going to the pub and random things, whilst at the same time leaving my niece and her sister with no food in the house, so my niece would call my brother, or my mum or me and we would help out. I always felt really bad for her mother and wondered if I could try and support her more or help or do something, after all, to feel the need to constantly be in the pub she couldn’t be that happy really, but she had been so vile to me over the years that I would find it hard to try and connect with her.
As the years went on my brother now runs his own business, met my now sil and they now have a family too.
So, fast forward to about 18 months ago, my nieces mum, calls my brother, she was pregnant and she doesn’t know who the father is, it could be any one of three men, two of which are his friends (well friend of friends it’s a bit odd), she is scared as she had told a few people and now they have started talking and she was nervous that my niece would find out from someone else and she wanted to tell my brother before one of his friends did.
Unrelated I texted my SIL to see how she was doing as she was having a bit of a rough time and during our text conversation she told me about my nieces mum.
All I responded with was how that was a terrible situation and I felt sorry for my niece at the possibility that she may find out her mother is pregnant from a complete stranger in the pub and then that was really that.
A few nights later my niece was at my brothers getting ready to go out, as they were taking her out for a birthday meal, and to try and find out what she was getting for her 18th birthday, she waited until my sil was busy and went through her phone messages (which rather than by DB tell my niece that was wrong, he had a go at SIL for leaving her phone lying around).
She found the message about her mums pregnancy.
She didn’t say anything that night she went off into the garden to call her mum and then nothing, until about two nights later, she called me and told me that I was making lies up about her mum and she was disappointed in me, she called me some vile vile things and said she never wanted to speak to me again.
She also did the same to my SIL.
I since discovered from my brother that her mum decided to have a termination and is now denying ever being pregnant, her choice, that is fine. Howeve4r she is also denying it to my niece, when my brother spoke to her about it, she said “x is my daughter and she’ll always believe me”
Since then she hasn’t spoken to either of us, I sent her a Christmas card last year and texted her to day happy Christmas, I just wanted to show her that I am still there if she ever needed me. She sent me an awful reply, so have been nc since.
I also know what its like to have a toxic parent and the need to always defend what they do, but I feel so hurt that I have lost my niece, and that everything we ever had is gone because she believes I am this evil liar, and I am so mad with my brother for letting this carry on so long instead of being honest with her rather than saying nothing with his “Im keeping out of it, I get enough earache from her mother”.
I have heard on the grapevine that she is unhappy, and I don’t like to think of her being unhappy, so part of me wants to reach her out to her again, but I know that she will always be so vile to me as long as she thinks I am the vile bad guy.