urgent advice needed - follow on from DH is bipolar thread

[thepoorlobsters]

I posted a thread last night which I will post in a comment after this OP.

Things have only got worse (sincee last night) and today DH has lost it. He has made up lots of things and accused me of lots of things in the last 24 hours that are just not true. I feel that he is losing his mind. He is extremely angry with me and I just can't stop the torrent of anger over email and text.

I am 35 weeks pregnant and have not done anything apart from the usual: sleep and eat, in the last 24 hours. But he is accusing me of defying him and deceiving him.

I cannot stop the accusations. He doesn't want me in the house with him but he doesn't want me to leave the house either. If I argue back it makes him worse. If I go silent, he accuses me of ignoring him/being negligent. He is out of the house at the moment and I am frozen about whether to leave or not. He keeps sending me warnings like: "I would advise you to think very carefully about how you will treat me when I return." There is no actual explanation about what the problem is.

He is in the frame of mind where he cannot see anything other than from an incredibly vigilant, controlling, self-destructive mindset where I have done him wrong. I have told him that I am worried for his mental health and he says that I am the one who is mentally ill.

You'll see from the thread above he is difficult to live with due to his bipolar, but it has never been as bad as it has been in the last 24 hours.

I feel that if I leave the house, he will have more reason to feel that I am being deceptive/defiant and he will feel inside that it just goes to show how I am set on hurting him and that I am in the wrong. Whereas if I stay, he will insist i accept reality as he defines it (in his current mental state) which is that I am torturing him and lying to him and deceiving him and I need to change. This feels like emperor's new clothes.

What should I do?

Should I go to a friend's house, tell him where I am and get a witness to the behaviour? Or should I check into a hotel? Or should I stay put and weather the storm with him and when he has calmed down, try to talk to him rationally?

Glad you're safe. Don't try to see into the future right now, you're too exhausted, too overwhelmed by it all to make clear decisions. Just make it through each hour, try to get some good rest, and if you feel you need to be away from him to be able to get that rest, don't feel guilty about it. Is there a family member that can stay with him for a few days so you can get some rest and space to think?

Another one here saying get out - for you and your baby's safety. Have you had a chance to talk privately to the mh crisis people? It sounds to me like your dh should be in hospital. Been through it. So sorry OP

Is there someone who can cone and stay over with you ?
He might wake in night or early ?
Keep mobile charged and on you.
If any worries go out and call 999

Get the phone number of person who came.

Would he voluntarily go to the hospital ? He might be better going somewhere he can be monitored overnight so you can rest.
But you will have to insist if he is refusing.
Do you have friends or family near ?

He is still convinced that there is nothing wrong with the way he has behaved. Even the medication he took, he took on the proviso that he needed something to make him feel better about what I had 'done' to him.

I am very confused right now and can't get my head straight. Just hoping for a moment of peace to gather my thoughts.

Three of my friends in RL know about what is going on and are all on standby

thepoorlobsters, my ex hD schizophrenia and when he was having a psychotic episode it was pointless trying to rationalise with him because he was living in a fantasy world (for the time being). And playing along always backfired in the end.
You really need to look after yourself and hopefully your DH will get the professional support he needs. Please don't take this on alone - you need to look after yourself and dc

Get one of those friends to come stay with you tonight.

workingtitle yes that's how I feel. Like I am playing along. That yes, things are exactly how he says they are. Yes, there is no proof but it doesn't matter because he has "the knowledge" and the only reason he is taking these pills is because he has been so damaged and traumatised by my campaign against him.

I Dont think you are safe around him .
You don't know where these thoughts will lead.
Is there a bedroom you can lock the door from inside to go sleep ?

He isn't well
He needs professional support.

OP, if he thinks you're the reason he is feeling like this and that you are tryin to destroy him, he may be violent towards you. I think you're in a dangerous situation and quite vulnerable with your pregnancy.

Please be careful. Ideally I think you need to leave for somewhere safe.

Thepoorlobsters, I can't stress enough how you need to get out of this marriage. My friend went through exactly what you describe. Her husband ended up destitute and in self destruct mode in hospital where he chose to die by starvation. Throuout their marriage he lost all their fortune, remade it and lost it again (he was a very high flier). His personality was just as you describe, charming, charismatic etc. They travelled the world had the large house, swimming pool the lot. He became paranoid, moved to New York on his own booked himself into an expensive hotel on the credit card, ran up tens of thousands of debt, was going to drag her down with him. When he went to bed with a loaded shot gun she made the decision she had to get out, found herself a job as a companion to an old person (live-in) with her children in tow. She divorced him in order to protect her assets (she built up herself whilst he was ill). Her struggle and survival was down to her, post divorce. Her daughter suffered with anorexia in her early teenage years she was hospitalised and nearly died and her son killed himself as he thought he had inherited the illness. The daughter now very eminent in her field has refused to marry and have children as she says the condition her father suffered from may be passed on.

I am telling you this just to make you aware what could happen. Please protect you and your unborn child from this frightening future.

Thepoorlobsters - I hope you either had help last night or left. My ex tended to be sectioned when things got bad for his/my safety - if you've been playing down how bad he is to the crisis team or haven't had a chance to speak to them alone then you need to. Once you are both physically out of harms way then you can start to think about the future but your safety is absolutely the most important thing.

Please make sure you tell the MH professional about his paranoid delusions about you. This is a very high risk situation. Make sure he doesn't fob them off by underplaying how bad this is.

Hope op is ok . Update if you can