What happened to 32 happy years, gone in 2 weeks

[codyben]

This is me and the same thing is happening.
I have been married for 32 years and while my back was healing and i was having lumps removed from under my arm, mu husband started a FACEBOOK AFFAIR with a woman up the road. It lasted 2 weeks, they also met outside my gate while i was in the house in pain. And by the way this woman is a Christian

He decided he would end it and come to realise he was loosing his family. Although of course there were a few teething problems i thought we were getting to a happy place (this was only 5 weeks ago)

Now he has said he doesn't love me anymore and loved the B*H up the road after 2 weeks. She is known for doing this with other married men.

We have a son with Asperger’s Syndrome who blames me for being tired and exhausted.

Now this morning he says we will keep trying for a while longer and wants me to go to a concert tonight.

this morning i actually phoned the samaritans as i can't cope

this was one of my Thursday Put downs (they always seemed to come that day.

Do you think you are puching above your weight with me? meaning do you think i am to good for you.

Next week was People think you are weird because you love your dogs and animals

I am so sorry :-( He sounds horrible. I have no advice but don't want your posts to go unanswered. Don't feel under any obligation to do anything he's asking you to do unless you want to.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Your husband has behaved disgracefully when he should have been supporting you.

I don't know what to suggest, except that you need to look after yourself. I know it must feel so hard to cut ties that are so longstanding and to develop a whole set of new habits (don't underestimate how emotionally attached we are to those), but it is better to call it a day now than to let it drag on for another few months/years with you never able to trust him, and suffering his abuse.

Also, and this may sound weird: certainty of pain, even sharp pain, is actually better in many cases than long, lingering uncertainty that wears you down slowly. It's like a wound with something stuck in it: if you let it fester and get infected, you'll have more pain in the long run than if you clean it properly in the first place and set yourself to heal.

I am not normally one of those on here who is chorusing 'leave the bastard' at the slightest thing, but it sounds like this has become a properly unhealthy relationship and that you would be better off booting him out.

He thought he could get away with it and have some fun "whilst not hurting you"....

(many do)

I think you need peace and quiet to recover from your illness.

Is your sone living with you?

"Do you think you are punching above your weight with me?"

Who does this man think he is? Adonis?

What gives these idiots such delusions of wonderfulness?

Speechless...

Check with yourself - were those 32 years happy?
The woman up the road can't force men to enter into relationships with her - they have to want it. Calling her names won't benefit you in any way.
Get rid of him, you're not going to have peace of mind while he's dithering about whether your marriage is over or not.
His timing is absolutely appalling but lets hope you can recover your health and make a life for yourself without him.

He wants it both ways, Mr Free and Single, but when it suits him, Mr Family Man.

Trouble is you can't walk round on eggshells placating him. If he stays it's got to be the real thing not based on you doing any 'pick me' dance or going to a concert you don't fancy.

He's trying to find faults in you ajd your 32 year relationship to justify it all to himself and he'll come round to believing he didnt have a choice. Whereas he did have a choice. He could have sat down for a heart to heart and discussed problems with you, like normal married people do in normal marriages.

I hope Samaritans were able to help you. What have the previous 32 years been like, if you can generalise? Was this Facebook business completely out of character? Does he normally talk to you in a contemptuous way? And how do you feel about someone having to 'try' in order to be with you.... ? Shouldn't be an effort really.

Calling the other woman names... and you shouldn't be surprised to find an allegedly religious person is hypocritical .... doesn't take anything away from your husband's choices. How did you find out? Was it volunteered or did you discover it accidentally?

Fuck the concert-he probably needs company as OW is unavailable.
Time to grow a backbone, don't play the pick me dance with him. Try telling him that you don't want to try a little longer and to go to his OW up the road.
I think you will find out he changes his mind pretty quickly when cold light of day hits about what he is throwing away. Just how he was caught up in the thrill of this "affair"
Whither or not you want him back is another matter --he sounds a nasty sorry little man.

Sorry, what is a Facebook affair?

Cody, think back over the years. Think of all the other times he has come out with nasty put downs. You may have shrugged them off in the past.

I would bet that he's not ever been a kind, considerate man.

I hope you start feeling better soon.

I am sorry you are going through this OP, he certainly picked his moment.
I too suggest you look over the past years together, were they really as happy as you believe?
I hope you get better soon, you don't need this atm
Kick his sorry ass out and tell him ow welcome to him, see him change his mind.

Unfotunately christian or not affairs will happen. I have witnessed this before.

You will get good advice on here. Sending hugs.

Please don't do the "pick me dance" (you can google this).

Step back - take a deep breath and reclaim your self esteem.

He's not a prize to be won - he's a prize prick for behaving this way.

Kick him out and let him start to realise the implications of his actions.

Yes my son lives at home

Her husband died 2 years ago from cancer, she has 2 adopted kids 15 and 16. She came down and cried at what a hard time she was having. after a while she started sending flirty private messages through facebook

they just got more and more intense

[link removed by MNHQ]

we had an arguement as he was begining to change and he said he wanted out. i checked facebook and printed off the messages without him knowing.

she is a cold hearted woman and this is not because of what has happened to me, she just is and has done this before

[link removed my MNHQ]

Cody regardless of what the other woman has done, I don't think it's right to put her Facebook details on here. You should get those previous comments deleted.

Hi, thank you everyone.

I went to the concert and he was as nice as ever, like nothing had happened.

I have an appointment with relate tomorrow morning.

This is not like him, the put downs came during his time with her and although nothing physical happened, i am hurt as if it had.

I am in bits every morning and can barely stand anymore