DP, ASD children & my heart is breaking.

[Levismum]

Today has been a weird day.
I took my gorgeous ds6 for the part of an assessment for ASD. I've already been through this with Ds9. He has a Dx of ASD & ADHD.
It's excruciating at the moment.

It's also dp & I 15th Anniversary.

Our relationship has totally broken down. He wont/can't communicate. I've asked him to leave on 4 occasions since May as i desperately need a break to get my head together. He ignored me.

He didn't organise getting the day off work today so i had to pay a child minder to look after our baby & go to the assessment by myself. He texted me this morning. I stupidly thought, he was trying to build bridges or mention our anniversary or even say good luck, no. Just ' Do u want me to leave'.

How do i get over the pain & hurt off my relationship breaking down. I should just kick his arse out. He has no consideration for me. He says he does but i don't see any!

I don't know why I'm posting tbh. I'm exhausted. No RL support. Just need to get through this really horrible time.

Any advice appreciated!

Excuse all my typos.

Nothing helpful to add, Levismum but didn't want your post to go unanswered. I have 2 DS's, the eldest (now 12) has shunted hydrocephalus, and global developmental delay, as well as special needs. It's a terribly difficult time you're going through, and especially difficult to face with an unsupportive DH. My ex was EXTREMELY unsupportive during DS1's diagnoses and treatment (multiple operations) and I'm afraid this contributed massively towards our eventual split......I'm sorry you're going through this....sending un-Mumsnetty hugs to you x

Another one here with a listening ear.... My dd2 has ASD diagnosed after 4yrs of assessments. Stbxh was spectacularly useless as a Dad and gave me zero support with anything. All too hard.

What an awful day you've had on so many levels. This kind of 'support' is worse than no kind of support.

Tell him he needs to get out so you can think clearly.

to you and also an unMumsnetty Hug x

Sorry to here you are going through all this on your own. With 2 DSs on or suspected to be on the autistic spectrum, do you think your DH might be as well? To me, his text sounds as if he was trying to think of the right thing to do: he realised he'd ballsed up again by not getting the day off, so he thought what might make things better, well you had said previously you wanted him to go, so he'll check that's still the case.

Does your DH usually remember anniversaries?

Sorry typo: hear not here!

Going through something similar.
Ds, 11 has asd, struggles with bathtime ie needs help washing his hair, however, very independent travelling 2 buses each way to his new secondary.
Dp is picking on him all the time ( not his biological dad ) and I can't allow this.
Dp is on anti depressants and I think he's got issues, I've been so supportive but am sick of dp spoiling everything.
We've only been back together for 2 weeks after splitting up for a week.
I feel miserable, worthless and low.
Also to you op-hugs xxx

Thanks. I have wondered about dp being on the spectrum but his behaviour has become more selfish as times gone on.
No, he's never remembered an anniversary, ever.

Quote probably, if i asked him, why he chose this morning to suddenly acknowledge we are parting, he would say he thought he was doing what I wanted.

It's not just this. I realised he's never supportive when I really need him. I said to him very clearly, when I was pregnant with the baby that I would need mire help in the house etc. I ebf the baby. He did absolutely sod all. I asked, I pleaded, I shouted & instructed but he still didn't do anything. So I'm left to do whatever he doesn't want to.

Yes he could have ASD but now I think, I've wasted 15 years on this man. Do I waste any more time? NO!
He's inherited £25k. He's never mentioned anything to me about how he will spend it. He's looking at Range Rovers. We've an amazing garden but it's a state. I would do something with the garden but i know he will buy a new car, that we don't need.

Oh it's so pointless. I just need to get over this. I need to get him out & move on. Some how stop feeling angry & hurt. Concentrate on the children & start getting some quality of life.