Seeing a solicitor,What to expect?

[lilaloves]

Hi,I posted a few days ago about my situation,I had the thread removed as I felt I revealed too much and felt a bit exposed.

A brief back story,dh left 3months ago,maintained depression,temporary split,There is a woman on the seen and looks as she has been for some time.
So,time to move forward,I'm contacting solicitor today and feel terrified,I'm not sure why.
What does the process involve.I'm a very private person and opening up about problems/difficult situations is my worst nightmare.
I feel so embarrassed even though I haven't done anything wrong.I'm someone who likes to do things "properly",and I feel I have failed.I'm someone who always copes,I know I sound so stupid.
Will I have to go through all the glory details with this solicitor?
What will they ask?
I know I have to switch off the emotion and think practically.

The solicitor won't need 'gory' details. They'll need an outline of your situation, you might want to take your marriage certificate, proof of ID, any relevant information about finances. They should advise you of the process overall and start to draft (details of addresses etc are useful) an intital plea.
The solicitor will understand if you are distressed by feelings of not having coped etc. Remember this is their job. Write down any questions you've got it helped me to distance myself from the process and get more out of meetings.
I also made notes

The reasons for divorce have changed (I think) but even with the 'unreasonable behaviour' I filed for it was brief facts/ outlines (returned home (date) to find respondent had caused significant damage to the family home sort of stuff) and as it is all in the third person it didn't feel like as much as a blame exercise.

If there is an affair, you can file for adultery but that person will get copies and some sort of specifics need to be included. But under unreasonable behaviour you can cite him having moved out (dates) and having started a new relationship as one / two reasons why you cannot continue the relationship.
For unreasonable behaviour you need around 6/ 7 example incidents.
This can be a bit embarrassing but I was able to email my reasons and the solicitor put all the forms together, emailed them back. Money & Time saving. You don't need to explain the whole background:
eg. (Ex) accessed personal emails and used this to 'pose' as the respondent (date, date). This disrupted supportive friendships for the petitioner. (If It sounds almost clinical it's probably there).

The only ground for divorce is that your marriage has broken down irretrievably. You need to establish this by relying on one of 5 facts, adultory, unreasonable behaviour, desertion, separation. In the case of unreasonable behaviour, You will need to give 5/6 examples of unreasonable behaviour, for example your DH stayed out all night without letting you know or that he refuses to help with any child care etc. the examples should prove that the respondent(your DH) behaved in a way that you found intolerable to live with. Your solicitor will be able to put the evidence together on what you tell them and should make the process as smooth as possible. Hope that helps.

Whilst you won't have done this before, the solicitor has, probably lots of times. They will ask you what they want to know, and ask you what you want to do.

If they need details they will ask for them. If there are things you don't feel ready to say or don't want to say then don't.

Generally speaking family solicitors are good at getting what they need.

Any questions you have, write down. Research a bit on the whole process in general so you kind of know whats going on, but they will explain it for you. I only had a half-hour free session, so I did a lot of research and had all the paperwork pre-filled in (DIY divorce). She was able to tell me if I was on the right track, look over my paperwork and answer my questions in that time. (but mine is a pretty straight forward simple situ) If you have more time, then let them guide you more, that's what they are there for. Good Luck, I think you have made the right decision (I remember your thread)

Thanks everyone.I phoned solicitor today.Solicitor said because I'm a stay at home mum with only a small income(on dh business payroll) I may be eligible for Legal Aid.
I have made an appointment to discuss this as our family home is solely in my name with no outstanding mortgage and we do not receive any benefits.
She also said that it limits my choice of solicitor as only a small proportion in our area are accepting new legal aid cases.
My parents will help financially if it comes to that.

Where there's a will there's a way. You've done the hardest part, the decision. The rest is details that will get worked out eventually.

Lilaloves. Oh to have the wisdom of hindsight when the shit hits the fan.
I have been where you are and a lot worse at the time.
The worst thing I could have done at the time was go to a Solicitor.
My head wasn't in the right place to take on all that was being said to me and I made the WRONG decisions after taking advice from Solicitor.
There is too much emotion flying around. And if DH is a bastard he will play games with your head.
Looking back, I've often wondered why I rushed down the legal route. I had no need, I didn't want to marry again. It's what EVERYONE was telling me to do. Sit back, take your time, and when YOUR ready, go to the Solicitor.
It's makes no difference to your life.