Is anger good?

[KingJoffreysBloodshotEye]

Have a two complete twats in my life.

One is narcissist SiL (could give a brief outline of her behaviour but it would take pages and you'd all get bored). Now NC with her and am very much enjoying it. She was very much a moocher too, very tiring to deal with. Although her behaviour has left a few mental dents.

Another is exH. Left him after an EA relationship. He met a new lady shortly afterwards and ditched DS as a result. He recently sent me a message through facebook asking to meet up with DS. He's had some family loses and wants to gain more family. Whole message was pretty much 'I want. I want. I want.' 10 years, no contact, no maintenance. Stupid fecker. I've ignored it. Would rather be dragged through court than discuss my precious son on facebook with a stranger.

I've done the whole upset, scared, depressed thingy.

Now I'm fucking raging. Feel like I want to storm around to whatever rock they're cowering under and tell them repeatedly what I think of them. Then hack them to bits with an axe, starting with their faces.

It's not just them. Colleagues at my old work caused me to have a nervous breakdown, left the job, had a year on ESA and have moved on.

Fecking raging at them too.

Is this normal? Healthy? Healing?

Should I be channelling it somewhere? On a punch bag or something? I've done some very aggressive cleaning this evening but it's not really helped.

And when does the anger go? Feeling very headachy and tense.

I've always found my anger to be the 'gateway' to healing. I get really angry and then shortly thereafter the sadness comes through and I feel that, go through the tears and at the end of that I feel a tiny bit more healed.

I worry more when I feel numb about something, or dismiss something that I know should anger me. That's when I know I am in denial to avoid being hurt. But it always bubbles up eventually.

I would channel that anger somehow otherwise, you may find yourself obsessing and getting yourself even more worked up and even ill from it. Try journalling and write all the stuff you are feeling in a letter to then (that you never send though) I've also battered my pillows and nearly broke the vac recently! My friend is a gym addict and loves doing all the aggressive exercise classes to help her.

Yes, anger is a very healthy step on the road to healing as long as you recognise it for what it is - part of the healing process and not something that has to be acted upon. It only becomes a problem if you start to let it control you and end up doing self-destructive or even dangerous things because of it. You need to process the anger - feel it but come to terms with it, then let it go.

Yes I definitely went through an angry stage when I split with my abusive STBXH. It was my decision to end the marriage and although he had been verbally abusive during the marriage I really saw his true colours when we split, his treatment of me was vile.

My anger only really came though when he started to see someone else. I was raging that he could take someone out on dates when he couldn't even pass the time of day with me, his wife, etc.. I also felt very real anger towards friends who made it obvious they had taken his side by cutting me off.

The way I dealt with it was by running. Or putting on loud music and dancing around. I also ranted and raved to close friends. I wrote a journal including several long letters to him that were never sent. I also started seeing a counsellor which was an absolute revelation.

You will get through this stage. It just takes time. I now feel completely indifferent towards him and it's the best feeling ever. You will get there x

Oh and not forgetting the amazing reply I received on my MN post from Fontella which I've printed off and stuck on my fridge.

Yes!!! Anger, indignation, fury... whatever you want to call it.... properly directed at the person/thing/situation causing you grief will enable you to focus, find solutions, get motivated, get energised and so on. The alternative of being passive and introspective just leads to self-blame, depression, stress, stagnation.

Don't hold onto the anger longer than you have to, though. Use it and the lose it.

On where to channel it.... channel it at the source of the stress. Articulate your anger. Tell people who are shitting on you from a great height that they have pissed you off. Hurt some feelings. Trample on a few toes. Make yourself unpopular.