What is going on?

[DollStar]

Name changed on this but long time lurker. OK, I have met a really nice guy, he does do it for me and I thought I did it for him too! I have known him for years but only reconnected last month. Well, we have been out a few times, yes dtd, which is fine - we are adults. Every time we have been out it is on my request, which is also fine, but I did think that I should let him ask me out next time. Now this is the catch I think, he knew I had plenty of time off this week, yet he chose to go to a friends house for supper. He could have come to me but didnt. I sent him a message when he told me this saying 'have fun tonight' and just eft it at that but I feel so hurt. Should I ask him to go out again?? Or should I sit back and get on with my own life as I did before and let him see what he is missing. Im trying to be cool about it but I like him and I just feel like crying! I feel duped.

I know mumsnetters are great for advice as I cannot see the wood for the trees at the moment.

Hmm, how to put this delicately. I'm a man and to be honest I think he can sense you may be a bit desperate and he's just not that in to you.

You haven't seen this guy for 3 weeks, right? It's because he doesn't want to see you (or, more accurately, has other things he would prefer to be doing instead). I suspect the "You OK?" text might be the start of a booty call, but who knows.

Either way, leave it!

pompodd you are right! I havent seen him for 3 weeks! But I have always been really cool with the whole thing - I did expect to see him last week when he knew I had free time, but he came up with these excuses. I gave him the all clear to either phone me or never contact again. He has chosen to contact me with the immortal words 'You OK?' I am certainly not desparate and come over as a strong independant woman, I just cant stand this fannying around!!!

I just dont get it thats all!

'you ok'

oh please, just don't answer that. Honestly don't bother.

He's not bothered.

Sorry DollStar, I didn't mean to suggest that you were desperate. But that may well be how he sees you.

I think some men (and perhaps he is one of them) will think: She put out easily last time. I'm not that into her but she's worth keeping on the side if I fancy it later.

Maybe the "You OK?" text is him setting the terms on which you interact. You made it clear that it was a phone call you expected next time and he's just ignored that. It has to be on his terms.

I'd just leave it, not worth the angst.

Delete and move on.

dollStar he is using you, it's clearly one way love, on your part. You are not a fool by any means . I would say , find someone that is more attentive .

minkymuskyslyoldstoaty Yeah I did laugh at that! Mind you, it could have been 'You OK hun?'

Don't answer the text. He's really not that bothered or interested in you, and you know that deep down.

Forget him. Plenty more men out there that I am sure would love to spend some time with you

I'm loving these replies from the guys! I'm hoping you have never used these tactics on us ladies Hmmmm?!

I never have, no! But I'm probably a bit unusual in that I only have ever had one proper girlfriend...who became my wife of nearly 11 years!

But I know plenty of guys that have and do use those tactics.

I think your mistake here was giving him what you thought was a way-out - "ring me or not". You meant that as a nice, subtle way of giving him an out if he wanted one (which was very kind of you given how shabbily he had treated you).

He probably saw it as desperation on your part. Because it suggested that if in the future he did want you again all he had to do was ring you and you'd drop things to accommodate.

You are feeling confused, angry, hurt, used, worthless. Get rid of him. Blck him. He doesn't deserve you!

*Block

Easy for us to say? Of course it is! Want closure? tell him to take his worthless using arse out of your life, then block IT. Treat your emotions better, why do you continue with this guy? Feeling unstable is unhealthy and unkind to yourself. He doesn't give a shyte abut you, he knows you;ll hang around waiting, he thinks low of you.

Sorry but all the hints and signs were already there that he was not that into you - that last text you sent just sounds bitter - please delete his number as you clearly cannot trust yourself to contact him again, don't!

"Ring me when you have some free time to spend with me" doesn't read to me like a subtle ticket out for him, it reads like "I'll hang around waiting for you to grace me with your presence whenever you're ready".

He hasn't been bothered about making any arrangements to see you for three weeks. Please don't answer his text. Just delete, block and move on.

You are used to is texts and his attention, Means nothing to him, just passing the time. Stay silent, revenge is a dish best served cold. After two weeks you;ll feel better. He will at some point get back in touch as he would like to feel he can. Never ever contact him again, best way to show him you have self esteem :)

Eugh, he sounds like so many of the idiots I used to waste my time waiting for, suddenly expecting them to change and ask me out for once instead of always me initiating! Other posters are right, definitely don't reply, you're better than that! Xx

Don't contact him. It is that simple. He has told you what he wants by his actions and you are coming across as needy and desperate.

You do not want this man in your life. He is an arse. He knows exactly what he is doing and he thinks he has got you just where he wants you- sitting round waiting for him.

Don't contact him. If he contacts you, ignore him. You want someone much better than this.

OK He's deleted

Thanks for your time peoples!

He has crissed the line, is not a nice guy to you and i hope you see the light soon, if you follow the advice you shall. Been there done it got the bad memories. He takes and calls the shots. Have you boundaries set

bad feeling - get rid