Once a cheater?

[butterbeerfloat]

Have any of you ever moved on in a relationship from either an EA or physical one and got back to what you had?
I'd love to hear stories that prove it can be done. Also if it can't, I guess that may shake some sense into me.
New at this and would love insight into what life's like down the road from an affair.
Especially those that are married with children.

How awful OP

Might help to start making some lists. Getting organised will empower you.

Where is he? Have you got someone with you in RL?

sweetie, do an advanced search for foolonthehill 's posts today

she put up a fantastic practical guide about the best way to seek help to extricate yourself from a relationship whilst protecting yourself and any dc

I will directly link it if you wish

above all, take care of you and hence the baby

butter beer float
I've been there with the cheating and the EA, through pregnancy number two.
I stayed, for a while, it was good for a month or two after we bashed thing out (not literally), but in the end it came down to me looking at my children and thinking 'if anyone ever spoke to them that way I would kill them, so why do I sit here and take it just because we are married.'

One year this week I left, I am now a single mum of a 18 month old and a 2 &1/2 year old,
no regrets, no looking back.

The strength to leave came from...the lovely MNs
who supported me every step of the way and I will never forget the nights I sat and cried at the lovely things they said, the advice they gave and the experiences they shared.

Really sorry OP
IME it's unusual or twunts to admit to everything straightaway. They usually deny it, delete the evidence and then minimise or admit to what they think they can get away with.
I and a lot of others had an awful few months being drip, drip fed.... At least you know, as awful as it is, you're not tearing your hair out knowing he's lying but him not being straight with you.

Sadly the classic, my wife doesn't understand me, really is rolled out. Apparently ( so I read) it was my fault he was sleeping with ow as I'd stopped having sex with him... Really...? I had stopped last year...? Er no.....

Again, so sorry. Don't move into the new house, your mums is a better bet if she's happy with that

As much as your MIL is supportive at the moment, please remember she is his mum. She will ultimately eventually side with him, most likely (it's pretty common). Do not tell her anything that you do not want him to know.

I was just going to post what Alice did. She is right, be careful in that quarter. Anything you say will be reported back, seriously. maybe not straight away, but it will.

I second anyfucker and whatalice

my mil was once my allie, ashamed of her son who she raises right ,
she is now as hated as the nazis

oh no :( I know just how you feel. XH was cheating on me when I was pg with DS2. I am now a kickass lone parent to 2 and 4 year old DS's. I moved in with my mum and dad for almost a year and it was the best, most loving decision I could have made for me and my children. Go where you will both be loved, looked after and protected. In time you WILL feel better and overcome this, but right now I'm sure you're simply in head down, grit teeth mode. I know I was in late pregnancy.

Lean on MN - I posted for literally 6 months every day, and the kindness of MNetters got me through. Sending you and baby so much love XX

FWIW my MIL was a wonderful support to me. She still is now, although she struggles with the situation. (XH is emotionally and verbally abusive to her when he knows she has seen/spoken to me)

For both your sakes, perhaps don't confide in her all your feelings, but embrace her if you want to as your DC's grandparent. I have a normal-ish relationship with XH's family now (as in, the GP's see my DC several times a year, through me). We're not super close but I am glad my kids have her in their lives.

Thank you for all your helpful advice. I'll keep that in mind AnyFucker Alice and Neverletgo, I've not bitched about him or said anything I wouldn't be happy with him reading. Just explained the situation and said I'm so hurt and don't know what to do or where to go from here. She and my DFiL have apologised and said encouraging messages "keep strong, we're here for you however you need us" type thing which tbh at this early stage in the game is just really helpful to hear.

I will bare in mind though that he is there son, and I certainly wouldn't "win" if it was a match between us. But I would never want it to come to that, I love them both dearly and despite everything I've found out today I love DH more than anything (except our son).

Wow that's amazing chocoraisin, I just hope I can be as strong as you. I really admire your strength and courage to do so. Right now I'm in a limbo of can't live with him and can't live without him. I just feel utterly broken and I'm so gutted for my little boy. As a child of divorce I had always been so set on raising my babies in a happily married home. (although of course, so had my mum. Things just don't always work out how you hope do they?)

xx

Their* sorry. That's one of my pet peeves as well, ugh.