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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Has my past changed me?

2 replies

againststereotypes · 14/10/2014 22:38

Hi mumsnet, I thought I'd come to you with a problem I'm experiencing at the moment, because you guys talk real s@&#, no beating around the truth.

I am currently in a gay relationship and have always had relationships with girls. My previous relationship with a girl was awful as she controlled me and made me feel trapped. I was devastated and half the person I was for most of the relationship. After it ended I spent a lot of time on my own having fun like I should be at the age of 19.

I am now in a relationship with someone else, whom is also older than me. She is lovely and completely opposite to my ex. She is giving and constantly surprising me; buying me things, taking me out. She seems to be a perfect whole rounded girl.

However, for some reason I feel I am a different person now.
She seems to cause me anger and I feel hatred towards her, for no apparent reason. I feel there is something I can't identify that means I don't let myself be happy and relaxed within this relationship.

I get extremely jealous and feel angry when she spends time with her friends. I know why I feel like this, I believe it's because I have really low self esteem and not very good confidence which results in me thinking I'm not good enough, and her friends are. I get worried she's going to leave me.
I feel second best and as if I don't deserve her and I can't put my finger on why, does she make me feel like this or am I just worrying for no apparent reason?

I have turned into my ex... What do I do? Is it normal to replicate how you've been treated?

Thank you

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 15/10/2014 07:48

You have ultimate choice about how you relate to others. Many things can influence it, however. Feeling anger and jealousy towards someone may simply be because they are treating you badly or because they are acting in an untrustworthy manner. It can come from your own insecurities - which you've identified - if you don't feel you deserve love or good treatment. It can be a hangover from previous bad experiences. If you've jumped into a new relationship before you are properly happy with yourself as an individual then it tends to be a disaster.

If you don't like who you are when you are with her and if your behaviour is poor then end the relationship. Work on your self-esteem, rebuild your confidence and be happy in your skin. It's not fair on anyone to subject them to anger and jealousy

CogitoErgoSometimes · 15/10/2014 08:11

I stress.... it is your responsibility how you behave.

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