Hi mumsnet, I thought I'd come to you with a problem I'm experiencing at the moment, because you guys talk real s@&#, no beating around the truth.
I am currently in a gay relationship and have always had relationships with girls. My previous relationship with a girl was awful as she controlled me and made me feel trapped. I was devastated and half the person I was for most of the relationship. After it ended I spent a lot of time on my own having fun like I should be at the age of 19.
I am now in a relationship with someone else, whom is also older than me. She is lovely and completely opposite to my ex. She is giving and constantly surprising me; buying me things, taking me out. She seems to be a perfect whole rounded girl.
However, for some reason I feel I am a different person now.
She seems to cause me anger and I feel hatred towards her, for no apparent reason. I feel there is something I can't identify that means I don't let myself be happy and relaxed within this relationship.
I get extremely jealous and feel angry when she spends time with her friends. I know why I feel like this, I believe it's because I have really low self esteem and not very good confidence which results in me thinking I'm not good enough, and her friends are. I get worried she's going to leave me.
I feel second best and as if I don't deserve her and I can't put my finger on why, does she make me feel like this or am I just worrying for no apparent reason?
I have turned into my ex... What do I do? Is it normal to replicate how you've been treated?
Thank you