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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to get over the lies and deceit.

10 replies

Sawbridgeworthmum · 14/10/2014 18:32

Split with dp 3 weeks ago. He confessed he has been having an affair for last 6 months . He had a 3 year affair with the same woman i found out about June last year. However after a lot of soul searching I forgave him as I thought that is what happens if you have children and we worked through it. I had no idea apart from the weekend before he told me he went out for the night and didn't come home. Turns out was with her. All the times he was at the gym in the evenings he was with her. He even used to sneak there when I would take the children to the supermarket. And make it back in time so it looked like he not been anywhere

I spoke to the ow since he confessed and there is no remorse all she went on about it how amazing their sex is and she loves him. She didn't give a crap about my children. Well he said he wasn't with u and the sex is shit.

He has admitted to me there is another woman as well. And when he sees a woman he just wants to have sex with her!

That's where and I am and I don't know where I even go from here. I am so used to being with his man. I know no different. The children want noting to do with him at the moment.

I go from feeling strong and I can do this to thinking I can't do this and I want him. I have been no contact however he txted last week asking to meet me. I finally found the courage to say I will not be meeting you and it's over coz of the lies and deceit. However now it feels so final and I didn't hear him out.

One day at a time I guess.....

OP posts:
seasavage · 14/10/2014 18:39

You can do this! You're so right. One day at a time.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 14/10/2014 19:06

If you find yourself wavering reflect back on what a complete and utter shit he's been to you. There was an OW to the OW. Now, that's just nasty. What a bloody filthy skank he is.

Stand firm! You've done the hardest part now and the rest should get easier. All you need is resolve and time, and you definitely have both.

Drumdrum60 · 14/10/2014 19:07

Exactly the right thing to do . Don't hear him out it will be more bullshit.

Drumdrum60 · 14/10/2014 19:08

You should be very proud of yourself. Keep doing the right thing .

Drumdrum60 · 14/10/2014 19:12

Angry . Who the hell does he think he is ? Ego maniac ? Does he think everyone wants sex with him . OW sounds as emotionally dead as him.

Sawbridgeworthmum · 14/10/2014 19:18

Thanks for your kind words.
I can actually talk about it now without the tears flowing and the half a stone I lost is gradually getting my appitite back.
It's not so much him I am mourning for as he has been vile it's the stuff we had planned for the future. I really thought he had changed and me giving him a second chance when I found out last time was with right thing to do. It transpires he would often sleep with both of us in the same day. I figured this out after she had called me. Makes me feel sick
I've asked him not to contact me and I hope he respects that:
The ironic thing when he messaged me last week he was so blase about it " haven't heard from u in a while.....like to talk and hope your well"
How deluted can he be. His tone of was like he was messaging an old friend.
I'm glad I'm angry

OP posts:
BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 14/10/2014 19:24

I'm glad that you're angry, too!

TonyThePony · 14/10/2014 22:14

What a totally selfish, disrespectful prick! I'm angry on your behalf! It's shit now I'm sure but it will be so so much better. You deserve a million times better than this pathetic, cheating knob!

And ... you're teaching your children how to not act (like him) and that they do not ever have to put up with that kind of behaviour in a relationship (in the future, obviously).

Stay strong. You're worth much more than him.

borisgudanov · 15/10/2014 13:36

No future can be as bleak as one which includes this repugnant bastard, surely?

Jan45 · 15/10/2014 14:41

OMG. it's easy, you leave the total sleaze bag, I'm sorry but if you continue to live with him then expect more shit on your head, I can't think of a better situation to leave someone - you must go NC and you must give yourself time away from him, once you have done this, you will start to see him for what he is - a useless piece of crap.

There are men out there who won't treat you like something on your shoe - even if there were no men left on earth, I'd rather stay celibate than put up with that utter crap.

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