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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

needing some advice please

12 replies

traceybaybee · 14/10/2014 17:08

Hi all im new to mumsnet and im not too sure where this thread should go so bear with me lol.
Ive just recently found out im pregnant and the father is a guy who ive been seeing for 3yrs in a friends with benefits situation. All was well until i told him this now he is telling me to have an abortion as its for the best as im too young (im 22) and im according to him not mentally ready for kids ConfusedHmm. If i have the baby he has told me he will take nothing to do with us. This is the same guy who used to joke saying if i really wanted to i could get you pregnant?!?!
I couldnt live with myself if i had an abortion due to some fertility issues but the thought of being a single mummy at my age petrifies me. I dont know what to do.

OP posts:
niceupthedance · 14/10/2014 17:30

Well, you have heard his views, but the decision is yours, ultimately. As someone who had a baby with a friend with benefits (who freaked out similarly and was a complete shit for two years about it) I would say rule him out of the picture, make your decision based on being a single parent from now on (or not, if you decide on a termination).

How long is it since you found out? You could contact BPAS for some counselling.

Original poster
traceybaybee · 14/10/2014 17:49

I found out a week or so ago. He asked if he could come to my first midwife appointment on the 27th but im very wary of his motives giving his stance on things. Thanks for the bpas advice ill give them a shout x

OP posts:
Drumdrum60 · 14/10/2014 17:58

All things considered a termination might be the best thing. Then you are free to begin again without him and a hell of a lot wiser . Wishing you luck

georgie27 · 14/10/2014 17:59

if it was me I would think to myself right I am going to have this baby on my own and if he does want to be a part of it thats a bonus if not then his loss. Dont be suspicious alot of men are freaked out at first but wen it dawns on them that this is happening they can surprise you. you can do it with or without him there is support out there, you will be fine Smile

congratulations on being pregnant and obvs this is just my opinion only you can decide wots right for you Smile Smile

Original poster
traceybaybee · 14/10/2014 18:06

Thank you georgie27 Smile its just a massive shock to find im pregnant after being told it wasnt going to be possible naturally. I do hope he comes round as id like my baby to have their father in their life but if not as you say its his loss x

OP posts:
georgie27 · 14/10/2014 18:15

exactly! he'd be a fool to turn his back on you and the baby and if that's the case you are better off without him. And wot a wonderful thing that you will have this beautiful gift of a baby that you werent sure you would ever be able to have. I think everyone has this idea of how their life should go but sometimes the best things come out of situations that may not follow these ideals! All the very best xxx

CogitoErgoSometimes · 14/10/2014 18:19

I've been a lone parent since DS was born. I was 35 rather than 22 but it was still daunting. Not going to tell you it's easy - everyone has a different experience and it's a very individual decision - but I'm glad I went ahead. DS has plenty of adult male role models in his life and sees his father every so often. Takes more than a stray sperm to make a Dad IYKWIM.

Congratulations

yougotafriend · 14/10/2014 18:20

If you'd been told you couldn't conceive naturally, where you not using contraception then?? Not the best idea if you were friends with benefits rather than gf/bf...

But ultimately the decision is yours to make, he doesn't sound like he'll be offering much emotional support.

Good luck

flanjabelle · 14/10/2014 18:25

Well if it helps, I am 24 and a single mum (quite a recent change due to my dds shit head father). It's tough but the way you feel about your child makes it all worthwhile. Have you got family who would be of any support? I don't rely on my parents for childcare, but it's nice to have them there for emotional support.

coco7676 · 14/10/2014 18:27

I was 22 and a single mum... It was a wonderful experience, testing at times but we were a tight wee team, he is 16 now, passed all his GCSE's, doing A Levels and an awesome young man!!
Don't be frightened, it will change your life in so many amazing ways Smile

Original poster
traceybaybee · 14/10/2014 18:30

Id got told at 21 i had pcos and it would be harder for me to fall pregnant naturally. I was on contraception and he used protection but it was a heat of the moment and we didnt use anything. Yes flanjabelle my family are there and while i know they wont be there day and night the fact i havr them there will make all the difference to me and baby

OP posts:
Frogisatwat · 14/10/2014 19:59

I'm a single parent and it is really fucking shit. Its bloody hard work and I am poor (working poor fwiw) I love my two beyond anything else in my whole world but I am failing to see MY Life change in amazing ways.
I don't care if I get flamed for posting this. My ex partner 'didn't come around' and I have done all the work all the sickness, all the poverty. By the time I have done child rearing I will be a washed out, aged shadow of the bright happy thing I used to be.

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