How to change patterns?

[jeanaiko]

Does anybody have any input or a way I could go towards solving this?

Growing up I lived in 13 homes and went to 12 schools. My mum had several partners. I moved schools for a variety of reasons including exclusion and house moves. So I have never had a stable family home or friendship group.

This pattern of moving did not stop once I reached adulthood. I have had LOADS of jobs and have been to about six colleges and two universities. The colleges and jobs have nearly always ended in a bad way.

I have graduated from uni this year SOMEHOW. Which I am proud of. I have had two jobs since then which have also ended badly. It is very embarrassing.

The thing that also happens is I get anxious, think that everybody hates me which is ridiculous. I am fine 1-1 but in groups I look can't speak and people think that I am rude. I get nervous before work and worry. I can't sleep properly. I will make excuses not to go to work and will lie in bed worrying.

I am constantly looking for new jobs. I live with my dp now but I still go online and look for new properties.

I want to feel settle (at home) and also have a stable long term job but there is something not connecting. I change my mind all the time about what I want to do or what I am doing.

I would like to break this pattern but not sure what I should be doing.

I think you should talk to your GP in the first instance. A lot of people have insecurities or feel self-conscious etc but when you are at the stage that you are lying in bed worrying rather than going to work, then you should seek help because the neurosis is impacting on your ability to lead a normal life.

A disrupted childhood is probably at the root of it. If you've never settled anywhere long enough to put down roots or make long-lasting friends, that can lead to a sense of disconnect all by itself... although others could respond to the same nomadic upbringing by being super good at fitting into new places.

That the adults in your early life seem to have come and gone very regularly might have left you with fears of being abandoned... and that could explain why you don't want to make friends or that you feel others dislike you.

But I'm not a psychologist. :) Please see your GP

Is it serious enough for a GP though? What could I say!

Yes it is serious enough if you're suffering anxiety and staying in bed rather than interacting normally, going to work and so on. If you're nervous, take what you wrote above and use that as a cue what to say. Let the doctor ask questions, answer honestly, and let them work out what the problem might be

This will sound pathetic but how do you go about going to the GP if you don't like speaking to people or anyone to know your weakness.
Sorry I know your not a pyschologist!!

'Weakness' is rather self-deprecating. If you had any other illness you'd talk to your GP. Just because it's an illness of the mind, it's nothing to be ashamed of. Does your partner know you struggle? Would they go with you?