"Man-Child" what causes it?

[yougotafriend]

I have another thread about my impending marriage break up, but as this is on a slightly different subject I thought I'd start again.

In H's "woe is me" state, he goes out shopping for a new car. Signs up for a nearly new audi. I don't agree this is practical or necessary but hey, I'm leaving soon!

Last night he had to be nice to me (after 2 weeks of almost total blanking) cos he can't find details the insurance details of his current car. I politely helped but did not do anything over and above.

This morning he says he's not getting the car now..... Realised he can't afford the car + insurance. It's a performance car an he has 6 points so it more than trebles (wouldn't most people check that out first?) so I've been providing financial advice re cooling off periods etc.... Seriously how has he managed to get to 55 and be so clueless? Is it my fault, am I complete control freak?

I think it's chicken and egg, i.e I helped/he did less/I did more/he became so incapable it was easier if I did almost every everything!!

Sadly there are women who treat their sons like that, even younger woman. Someone I know is totally and utterly obsessed with her eleven year old son - she does everything for him, buys him everything he wants, marches up to the school at the slightest sign of an 'issue', doesn't let him walk to school (less than a mile - pavement all the way), talks about him non-stop, her whole life revolves around the child to the detriment of her husband and daughter and, no doubt herself.

It is laughable that she would ever let him do housework or anything like that - she will be the MIL from hell - assuming her DS is even allowed to have a relationship in the future.

One of the great conundrums about my narc mother is that my DB is actually a rather fantastic example of the male species. She and dad both did a good job there. Or did they? Perhaps he was just a decent boy from the start. Never been a man child, (although DM certainly saw him as the 'golden child'), great provider, loves to cook, doesn't mind cleaning ie doesn't think it's 'beneath' him. Him and dsis in law happily married. Who knew?!

My Mum is very different to men than to women. She fawns over men. I often think that I would have a very different relationship with her had I had a brother instead of two sisters. I think if one of us had been a boy he would have never had to lift a finger and she'd have had us girls waiting on him. Thank god she only had 3 DDs.

Just had a phonce conversation with DS1 (almost 18) as he is going to Amsterdam with friends at the weekend - there is a problem on his ticket (I spotted it)so i told him to call them to find out rather than waiting till he gets to teh airport and there be an issue "but Mum, I'm rubbish on the phone, can't you do it?"

Aarrrghhhh.....anyway I said "No (a) they won't speak to me cos of data protection and (b) do you want to end up like your DF? - how are you ever going to get more confident if you don't try?"

Woah! Really? Men don't bear any responsibility at all? Either for raising their own children or for being competent adults? Fuck that
women are behind it. women treat their male children differently from female children. it just is. fuck it or not, as you will. women need to change. shout all you like but that's where the problem lies.