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Original poster

Angry, should I be?

55 replies

lexmark · 29/09/2006 19:58

This evening I got home from work and found a note from my wife saying she had gone to Paris for 4 days and she would see me next wednesday.

Am I right to be annoyed by this? I am fuming, I know why she's done it, she mentioned wanting to go a few months ago and I said we would, anyway a few weeks ago she asked if we could go over it and I said we'd talk about it another time, I was tired, just got in from work and wanted to relax, not go on about booking hotels etc. So I think she's done this to prove she can go without me. If I had done this she would've gone mental.

What are your opinions, am I over-reacting?

OP posts:

morningpaper · 29/09/2006 20:56

lexmark her bahaviour is very extreme

Her next step is possibly to leave you a note saying that she's moved out

I would really suggest that you look into getting some counselling because this is very extreme behaviour and she is trying to provoke you

No you are not over-reacting

Kazziegirl · 29/09/2006 20:58

I don't think you're over-reacting, I'd be fuming.

kama · 29/09/2006 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

lexmark · 29/09/2006 21:01

I didn't come on to get people to gang up on her, it's just that I know she will see no wrong in what she has done so I wanted to know if others do and since it's you lot she asks about everything else I wondered what your opinions on this would be.

She has been going on about paris for a while but she goes on and on and always at the most stupid times like when I've just got in from work or when theres a program on I want to watch. I told her that if she wanted to book it she should do but I assumed she would book it for all of us, not just herself.

She prides herself on being independant so I know she'll be smug that she's gone without me and will say something like "you should've made more effort if you wanted to come" or "you didnt want to talk about it so I went on my own" etc.

I dont know any other woman that would do this.

OP posts:

LittleSarah · 29/09/2006 21:03

I think that is very extreme move and I would be furious in your shoes!

I think I would try and have a nice weekend and talk to her when she returns. Going to Paris is a nice idea but I might be too angry to make it a nice weekend if I went!

edam · 29/09/2006 21:07

My guess would be she's been trying to tell you she needs a break for ages, and you haven't been listening. Maybe every time she's tried to raise the subject, you've been too busy/too tired/1001 other excuses not to take her seriously. Maybe you've had plenty of weekends away/evenings out while she's been stuck in with the kids. And she's given up trying to talk to you about it and just gone and done it.

Puzzled that you say 'she' has two children. Aren't they 'your' children as a couple? Even if from a previous relationship, if they live with you, then you are jointly responsible for them. If she's been doing the lion's share of childcare, housework, domestic organisation and so on while you've been doing your own thing - golf, working late, whatever - then she probably resents the fact that she's doing all the donkey work and not getting a fair deal.

Anyway, the sky hasn't fallen in, has it? Lesson for today is 'take your wife seriously when she says she needs a break'. Probably.

Thomcat · 29/09/2006 21:10

Oh please don't tell me I've just been rude toi a genuine poster. Please tell me you're a troll.
Oh FGS!
I get so annoyed when mumsnetters pounce on someone who they think is a troll.
Please tell me this is a wind up.

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Look, if you ae serious..... well then it sounds like you have quite a woman there and although I might not agree with leaving you behind like that, I also quite admire her at the same time.

Like you say, you don't know any other woman who would do this.
She sounds like quite a woman.
Is she?

Earlybird · 29/09/2006 21:14

Agree it's very extreme behaviour, and not a good approach, IMO.

From your description, her timing in discussing things could certainly use some improvement, but it also sounds as if you haven't been making time to listen to her. Now she's made her point and got your attention - perhaps like a child who prefers negative attention to no attention at all.

Think you both need to work on listening/responding to each other.

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 29/09/2006 21:16

Ive only read the op. I don;t think the reasonableness of your wife's behaviour, nor of you being angry is the issue here. You can argue til the cows come home about going to Paris - and about who is "right" and who is "wrong" but that is not what this is about and I suspect you know that. You can be angry if you like, but I'm not sure it will get you anywhere. Your wife's actions have brought things to a head and the two of you need to talk. you both need to know what the other wants and needs out of your relationship and start providing it

arsenelupin · 29/09/2006 21:47

Lexmark, if she kept 'going on' about it when you could not be arsed to listen to her [i.e. when you came in from work], and then went anyway... Why are you so fed up? You didn't want to go, she's gone, she did the booking, she's a big girl, having a great/crap/lonely/fun time of it, and the kids are safe at their grnadma's - is there really a problem?

arsenelupin · 29/09/2006 21:48

Grandma's.

Judy1234 · 29/09/2006 23:40

She hasn't left you with the children. She can do what she likes. It certainly means there's a problem in your relationship that she and you need to address but not in the context that she's in the wrong.

Sobernow · 30/09/2006 00:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DontlookatmeImshy · 30/09/2006 10:12

But justin case

This sentence is very telling
"always at the most stupid times like when I've just got in from work or when theres a program on I want to watch."

Just got in from work - fair enough.
But the program bit, sound like you putting her 2nd place behind a telly program. I think that would p* most women off actually

flack · 30/09/2006 11:08

I don't know how men work, but my DH would be worried sick if I did something like this. He'd only be angry later when he felt like I had put him through so much worry. Did she take her mobile? Can't you ring her?

Does sound like you've got a communication problem.
Agree that TV should not take precedence over talking.

kimi · 30/09/2006 11:08

I think you have every right to be p*ssed off.
You need to talk to her when she gets back and see what the problem is, (i take it she is not a selfish cow who does this often)so there must be an underlying reason.

In the mean time enjoy your free time,

(if this was a woman posted this we would be calling you every bad name we could think of)

cece · 30/09/2006 11:14

I went on a 2 week holiday to Greece without dh (dp at time). Hre said he didn't want to go, I did so off I went. However, I did tell him I had booked it. He turned up during the second week for a romantic reuninon.

This was before kids however...

oops · 30/09/2006 11:19

Message withdrawn

divastrop · 30/09/2006 15:06

if a woman wants to talk about something then she will talk about it,and if u dont listen cos ur too tired or busy then thats your problem.

TambaTheDragonSlayer · 30/09/2006 15:10

Slightly freaky but....

I have two children (different ages from the ones mentioned her...)

On Thursday I decided I wanted to go to Germany for a few days... so I did. Not long got back.

If it wasnt for the childrens ages and different locations I would think this was about me

sandcastles · 30/09/2006 15:20

"if a woman wants to talk about something then she will talk about it,and if u dont listen cos ur too tired or busy then thats your problem"

Very true diva...

colditz · 30/09/2006 15:24

She hasn't done this to prove she can go without you. She may have done it to prove a differant point though.

I think it is important, that when your partner (male or female!) want to talk aout something important to them, you don't say "I'm watching telly"

When you disregarded her like that for the sake of the television, that would have been a flashpoint if she is anything like me.

If she has organised for childcare, and you generally ignore her in favour of TV anyway, I don't really think you have a leg to stand on. You are an adult, you shouldn't have left her to organise a trip away for both of you by herself, it makes it look like you don't care about going. Presumably that's why she gave up and didn't take you.

Pixiefish · 30/09/2006 15:30

I often go away just Dd and I because dh is working. I generally tell him that I'm going though.

If the kids are sorted- then lexmark- my advice to you is this- get ona plane and get over there after her to surprise her and try to sort things out with her.

YeahBut · 30/09/2006 15:39

Actually Lexmark, I'd be more worried than annoyed. Your wife is so angry with you for some reason that she has upped and gone.
She's not behaved irresponsibly because she has made arrangements for the children and has let you know where she is.
I'd say that your relationship needs some work when she gets back. You may have to turn off the telly.

divastrop · 30/09/2006 15:41

yes colditz put it better...my comment was rather sexist.
if i were you,lexmark,i would go over and sweep her off her feet before somebody else does

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