Scared witless! any solicitors out there?

[barmybird]

I'm in a complete state, just got a copy of a letter which has been sent to my x husband ans I'm scared witless about how he will react.

Briefly we are now divorced but the financial side of things was never legally sorted. We had an agreement and I took a lump sum from the house sale and he agreed to pay half the nursery fees for our dd. However my solicitor has now advised that our informal agreement is unfair and that I should ask for a further lump sum. He has been messing me and our dd around alot lately so I agreed to a letter being sent. What she has written will send him into orbit! she talks about him being agressive towards me and erratic in his contact. I'm terrified! how do I deal with this? is it worth all the hassle? should I just walk away. He's self employed so can conceal alot of what he earns and at the moment from what he claims I earn three times what he does.

I'm so confused. Me and dd just get by, a bit more money would be helpful but I'm not sure I can deal with all the stress this will bring.

Any words of wisdom?

No words of advice I'm afraid, but worried that you are so worried. He isn't likely to come round and beat you to a pulp is he?

No he's way too clever for that. He works on intimidation and manipulation. It just frightens me that he is going to make all sorts of threats and I have got to decide whether to believe them or not. What if he does walk away from our dd? how do I explain that to her?

Its all such a mess and I do feel very vulnerable.

I'd filter any calls from him, refuse visits, and ask someone close to support you if he demands to see you. Your best bet is to say that this is how the solicitor has interpreted things, and if he takes issue with anything, he sohuld contact their firm. If he is refusing to declare his full income, he will simply say he cannot afford the lump sum, surely? Do you think you would have walked away from him anyway, eventually? I don't know how old your DD is, but she's probalby already aware that he mum and dad don't like each other, so you're on safe ground for distancing yourself further if needs be. Good luck, you're doing all you can for her, and for yourself.

Thanks. Finances are tight for dd and I. I am quite an independent person and like to feel like I make my own way so I guess when we made our agreement I was heavily influenced by that and his threats to move away and not see dd. I gave in for an easy life. However life isn't so easy, money is tight, his contact is erratic and I find myself working full time and meeting almost all of her needs. I'm at the point were I don't know what I would loose if he walked away.

I did ask about him refusing t pay the lump sum but the solicitor seemed to think that the court could force this issue ? how

Then I'm very sorry you're having such a tough time - you say he can be manipulative, so can you get a friend/professional to mediate with any further contact? If your solicitor wants to push for money but you're not sure, is this something you need to raise with the solicitor first?

The money would be helpful but I am concerned that he will say all his money is tied up. I don't quite see how the court can force this issue?? Also if I have already accepted an informal deal will the courts really think I am entitled to more?

I know I can refuse to speak to him but I guess the bottom line is that I am not good at confrontation (which he knows) and this is a massive confrontation!