Marriage stress and peri-menopause?

[Somethingtodo]

Mood swings, rage, exhaustion, insomnia - is not helping our marriage - but hard to know if this is peri-men and will pass -- or if I am depressed and just hate my husband and our relationship is over. Now in separate beds as I hate the pysicality of him and the snoring....anyone else under relationship stress?

peri-men - love that! All you're going through is normal. It's another 'milestone' in our lives. You don't hate your husband, you are going through a ghastly stage in your life. That's it. It is ghastly (in my case). Hold on to yourself. Talk to us because nobody else knows what you're going through like you do. The most ghastly passage in our lives.

Ah the insomnia, random bleeding, grumpiness and a husband whose idea of support is a cup of tea and a 3 hr session with his best mate the iphone - awesome, cool, tweet, married affairs, cheatbook, narcissism. I honestly think thrre should be a menopause class bit like antenatal where you are prepared, informed, supported.

You could try HRT and see how you feel after a few months? Being more stable hormonally might help you separate how you feel generally from how you feel about your relationship!

I'm totally with you Something. I feel just like you.

Not sure if it's the hormones, or just a general awakening to the fact that I'm not happy in my marriage, and don't want to spend the next 18 years in it.

I've had menopausal symptoms which come and go ( unlike my feelings about the marriage situation).

Feel a bit trapped. Not sure how I resolve it. Just glad I'm not alone.

Arkopharma Phyto soya supplements work well instead of HRT. There are also specially formulated vitamin and mineral supplements for women of menopausal age that are well worth trying.

Meditation or Mindfullness may help the insomnia.

I'm past the menopause and live on my own, both of which are really rather good.

I once knew a woman who swore by taking Menoherb daily she said it saved her relationship as she was losing the plot lol.

What was your relationship like previously? Is this a sudden change in behaviour or a gradual shift? Is your husband being sensitive and sympathetic or expecting you to carry on as normal?

Relationship has had quite a lot of problems in the past.....especially related to parenting, discipline and support.....which have ground me down, day to day, over the years .....but which I have just tolerated resentfully and this has eroded my spirit. We have been to Relate 4 times (for 3 months each time) in last 10 years at particular troughs when I have been desperately frustrated with OH (he is passive aggressive) due to big life milestones (bereavement, pnd x2, major money problems in recession). Maybe peri-men is another big life milestone that will be the final nail in the coffin for the marriage - or I will roll-over too exhausted mentally and physically to get sorted to separate.

It may be a nail in the coffin but it could also just be a coincidence. The symptoms would probably be more manageable if you had a better relationship in the first place.

Are you in the mindset of 'life's too short'?

Yes I am....but I am also realistic that parenting and providing for 4 kids 8 -16yrs, one who is SEN - is not a walk in the park together or apart....and I feel paralyzed in a fog of exhaustion / lack of motivation that I cant take any actions.

When you've got someone dragging you down, all tasks are shitty including being a parent. On your own it's challenging but nothing like as draining.

Thanks Cognito - just need to find a surge of energy to get over that hump.