grown up women relationship..what do I do

[bettereveryday]

basically my question is how do you deal with people that annoy you and you just dont want to be friends with but you have to face them every day..i dont want to give her free rent in my head, but somehow she does bring the worst in me and sometimes I wish i had guts to tell her to get off her high horse..I do try and make a polite conversation just to be answered rudely by her...then I think there we go again, sometimes I see her staring at me in non friendly way and I think what have i done to you.... im friendly person and i think she is the only person in whole wide world i dont get on...so how what do I do to be able just walk pass her say good morning and not to worry whetehr she will check me out or comment on my children wearing super market clothes ...

Ignoring and being polite doesn't seem to be getting you very far. If she's making nasty comments you can't say nothing. Be assertive.

Stop trying to do polite conversation?

First OP accept that you cannot get on with everyone. I also was shocked to discover someone I couldn't turn into a friend no matter how hard I tried. That didn't happen till I was 30! Now I have learnt to just withdraw emotionally if I run into a character which you have described. Some people are your emotional vampires and just get to you - try and analyse yourself. Ask yourself what is it about this woman that bothers you so much? What do you even care what she thinks, does she remind you of someone? Is she pressing some buttons in you that are your insecurities? You could confront her if she is being truly unpleasant but do you really want to invest more emotional energy?

thanks ladies...yes I do knwo theory and I know i shouldnt be waisting my time even typing here yet she knows how to annoy me...the way she looks at me or comments... some days Im better than others...i need to learn to walk in and say Hi and that's it..not try to please everyone around myself...and no i dont want to confront her as she is a great actress if Im on my own she wont even acknowledge me some days but when others around sometimes she pretends to be a best friend...some days wuld ignire me and then she would text me in the evenig...i just dont get it...

This woman is controlling you. You need to ask yourself ' do I really care what she thinks? The answer should be a big NO. The only person you should be pleasing is yourself.
So what can you do to protect yourself?
You can hear her words but you don't have to listen to them, so STOP listening. Withdraw from her, ignore her and when she texts you don't reply.
Unless you can give her, as GOOD as she gives you, then your only protection is to take no notice of her.
It would be great if you could be assertive. I would like to see you give her a smack across the face with some well chosen words, but I suspect you can't do it.
You need counselling, a mindfulness course and maturity in order to clothe yourself in armour that will protect you from some bullies. That's what this woman is bettereveryday a BULLY and you are her chosen victim.
Fight back !
Xxx We are here for you.

Is this a school gate issue? I'm familiar with this scenario if it is.

Never ever respond to her texts in the evening.

Keep being polite, friendly in a neutral way and don't rise to her baiting comments about your children's clothes or anything.

Always smile and say hello but don't engage in further conversation with her. If you find you're alone with her, let her talk and give neutral answers.

Seek out other people to talk to, never seek her out.

All I'm recommending is that you do not give her any ammo with which to attack you - stay neutral, vaguely friendly but no space for engaging further.

She is someone with issues. You will only come off badly because she is quite badly behaved. If you keep your distance and maintain moral high ground by being civil and neutral, she cannot accuse you of anything in terms of bad behaviour.

IF she ever does accuse you, face to face, (remember don't answer texts or emails - you meant to but so busy at the moment, sorry), then just say, "Don't be silly," and walk away.

This woman is not your friend and never will be.

If she is texting you after blanking you/being unkind she is game player and very immature. I would go NC except to say a polite Hello, nothing more. She sounds very insecure and she has her own reasons for picking on you. I have had a couple of these at various times in my life and the best way to deal with them is to put as much distance between you as possible and don't feed the Troll.

Don't be fooled if she suddenly seems to improve her behaviour. You know what she is capable of and some people cannot change. I wouldn't trust her but I wouldn't make a drama out of it either. If she is getting to you emotionally confide in a trustworthy friend who hopefully doesn't know her to keep things in perspective.

Practice acting as though she physically isn't there. I'm amazed at how well I can do this, I never thought I had it in me.

It also indicates you have deleted her from your life (therefore mind). She's playing games - really, don't bother with her, she's trouble. In front of others do a general 'hi' to cover your tracks but she doesn't exist otherwise. Completelybdint respond to the 'bes pal' act in front of everyone else - dont snub her but just dont respond, as though a fky us buzzing about that has nothing to do with you. Definitely don't answer those evening texts.

Ime I can only say something pithy if I'm not angry or frightened. If you can slice her with a 'what's your problem, exactly; because your snottiness and bad temper is tiresome' without shaking with anger/fear then go ahead and let her have it. If not, keep quiet. Delete her.

oh now when she texts in the evenings she is lovely and ncie saying I owe you a coffee maybe next week and I say ill elt you now near to dates..and I never do..and yes I do think maybe she isnt as abd maybe she is looking for friends just for her to turn up following morning and just ignore me ...and when Im out with others mums she would come and say hello lovelies...Im like are you mentally not right ( i say that in my head of course)..i do go to school and hope she is not there..im a strong happy bubbly perosn until she comes in I get cold inside i crumble im scared of her looking at me...she organises days out with children Im the only one not invited and so on..I dont care but my child sometimes does...some of the mums know how I feel and say just ignore her but it's hard...soem days I can just go and not be bothered...I need to get her out of me, i dont want to not like her,,,i keep telling myself for godness sake you are an adult...

thanks for all the replies, very helpful x

ladies, apologies for my gramma and spelling ;)..Im trying to sort out the kitchen and type at the same time...I hope you understand what Im trying to say x

They know how you feel.. because they can see she is a Big. Fat. BULLY.

This is outrageous bullying, op - completely blatant. Bear in mind bullies choose a target for no particular reason, just because they can pick on somebody... and they're fucked in the head.

Don't let her drag your feelings about - she is a lump of lard and not worth a moment of your attention. When I say ignore her, I mean it: act like she doesn't exist. Keep your eye on her - know your enemy type of thing - but don't let her register on your emotional radar (or at least don't let her see she's registering on your emotional radar). Bullies are very weak people xx

Why do you worry about not liking her? She's revolting.

thank ladies.
I do wory about not liking her as Im not the kind of person who doesn't get on with others..I'm always polite and chatty..and I think world would be a better place if we all coudl manage polite hi/bye especially as we have to see each other for another years to come.

some great advice, Ive been good this week...kept away from her ;)

F*ck that for a game of soldiers, lovely. There are some nasty/messed up people about. Being nice doesn't stop them.

OK, if you want to feel better about not liking her, perhaps you can dislike her behaviour. She is deeply entwined with her behaviour, so don't be giving her or her behaviour any leeway.

Well done for keeping away

thanks x it actually made me realise that i cant make people like me..Ill keep smiling and being polite and keeping distance..thats my plan x

No, you can't make people like you. And it's a bit of shock to discover that some people actively dislike you for no apparent real reason. There's nothing you can do about that - it's their problem.

But you can give them absolutely no reason to give you a hard time if you are polite, friendly in a neutral, non encouraging way.

If you do this and this woman still behaves badly, then you know you really have made the decision to stay away.

If this woman ever gives you a hard time in public, just say, "Don't be silly," and walk away. Keep walking away and ignoring. She sounds barking.

Gosh, who knew school runs could be such an arse. I didn't! I was sure when my time came, I would be unaffected by it all. My word. How little I knew.

I meant, then you really know you have made the RIGHT decision to stay away.