I have name changed. I dont think friend is a mn'etter, but honey, if you see this and no doubt know who i am.. please dont be mad. I am so very scared for you.
Today a good friend confided in me that her partner has been violent on more than several occasions last year.
To give you an idea, she says he has kicked her, bit a hole in her lip, dragged her down the stairs on the mattress. And is generally verbally abusive after alcohol. She said he drinks every other weekend or so, not loads but it has a negative effect every time. she says he hasn't been violent since last year and that she is not scared of him, and has warned him if he ever does it again, she will make sure everyone knows and he will be gone. They have a 3yo.
He also has a child from previous that he doesn't see.
It is fair to say that I wasn't sure about him when I first met him, but we have hung out together a few times now and I've grown to really like him, my dh does too. I knew about his previous child for which I hold little respect over, but we've always enjoyed their company. However this is a game changer.
she made this admission while we were discussing marriage (why she won't. . Now I know!) And he was with my dh. I felt sick and honestly wanted to storm upstairs and throw him out. But since she has no current plans to leave him I pulled myself together.
She is a clever, beautiful person and a wonderful mother to her son. Her partner does have good atributes, but ofc there is nothing he could do or say to make me think better of him now.
She says he is trying to change and there has been no incident since last year but I can't say I feel she isn't in immediate danger..who knows if he'll never touch her again?
I've told my husband, who was pretty speechless and wants to confront him, he wants to believe that he's trying to change and likes him.. but feels like he needs to discuss this with him. I've sworn Jim to secrecy, I don't want her to feel she can't trust me/ have him cut her off from us or worse hurt her as a consequence.
Since she intends to stay, and I have to consider that should he truly stay to his word they may well have a long future ahead, I need advice on how I can continue. I feel utter rage over this but cherish my friend and her boy and do not want to risk losing them..much less raising his suspicion that I know. I suspect he would be very embarrassed since in true abuser form, he is non confrontational and mild from a public pov. She is ofc embarrassed too.
I'm rambling. .
Please help me. (And her)