Can you find love a second time around that is just as strong?

[Isla5000]

I don't know what else to ask except what is in the title there. Can you find love a second time around that is just as strong or is it always second best?

Can you love someone new, in a diferrent way, but just as deeply? Has anyone ever believed it would be impossible, but found it?

I just need some hope this morning that I won't miss my ex forever.

I think it's perfectly normal to feel that way when a break-up is fresh. I promise it passes, and one day you'll be head-over-heels in love with someone else and it will seem surreal that you every had those feelings for anyone not them.

I met a lovely bloke a couple of years ago, when I was round his house looking at a car for sale. He had it all, massive house, 3 cars and a helicopter! Plus a lovely wife who my wife chatted to for an hour when I went out in the car. Anyway it turns out his first wife died in front of him, got hit by a car when they were on holiday. Him & his 2nd wife were the most lovely friendly warm people you could ever meet and seemed very much in love so I'd say it's possible, there can't be just one person out there for you as the odds of finding them would be too small

I was married for a time to someone who was very enthusiastic about me. 'I love you' several times a day, gifts and other grand romantic gestures, you get the picture. There were also big problems but these got brushed aside with another grand romantic gesture, which I later realised was more to do with manipulation than genuine affection. He left one day, quite unexpectedly, and I was floored.

For a while I've been with a man who is quite the opposite. Being in the gruff Yorkshire mould 'I love you' is not a phrase that he can say without blushing :) and there are no grand gestures, but he has an endearing way of turning up with a bar of my favourite Green & Blacks creation at just the right moment.

Love takes many forms.

Oh yes! My first love was wonderful, powerful etc and will stay as a solid base for later relationships. Since then I've been in love probably three times. My longest relationship ended and left me completely bereft. I remember very clearly saying my whole faith in anything had been shaken because 'if that love can't last then there's something wrong with the world.' I felt so vulnerable, lonely and agonised by this awful loss. That feeling lasted a long time, I lost two stone in a matter of weeks and was in physical and emotional pain like is never experienced. I felt hollowed out, peeled and dipped in salt.

However. Those feelings faded, I had a few pretty dismal relationships and now I'm so happy with my husband. I can look back on that pain and think that it was worth it. I can empathise better with people in pain and I'd not change where I am now for anything.

Keep strong! Eat crisps for tea. Wallow in it if you need to. You will heal. The loss will fade and one day you won't be able to remember the pain and it will be gone. If I could change one thing it would be to be a bit easier on myself. I wanted to hurry up and feel better as I had no faith I ever would. You will x

And if you are able to get a dog I thoroughly recommend it! My Labrador has been with me through thick and thin and I love her completely. I can never be alone no matter what happens when she is around. And the stress of having a puppy will certainly distract you from the upset!

I disagree with the advice to grieve an old relationship for ages. A few weeks is fine! Then start rebuilding your life, and have dates along the way as part of the process.

It sounds like you're having a hard time finding (although I hate this word, it fits) "closure" on this relationship. Could it not just be that your ex scared himself off? Too much too soon?

I was with my ex for three years and I he was my first love so everything was new and passionate and amazing. I was devastated when he left. I was single for two years and then I met my current DP, who I've been with for two years. The love is different but I think it's because I'm different. I learned a lot from my ex and I don't take shit quite as readily, I'm more assertive and so there is less drama and woe-is-me painful fights. It's a more practical love but it doesn't mean any less to me.

I thinks it's possible that if your childhood/past had negative aspects, then the "at home " feeling is not necessarily good. It can mean "ah yes, I recognise this (and am programmed to find it exciting).

That's been my experience anyway.

I'd be grateful to find it once.

But yes, I believe you can.