ranting really, but DH been a prick this morning

[LittleMissRayofHope]

We have a 2.2 yr dd and a 4 week old DS. Sleep deprivation is pretty much a given right?

My Dd has always woken anywhere from 6-7. She went to bed well last night, no shouting no screaming etc and she slept all night. Yet at 6.16 this morning when she woke (granted she doesn't wake up happy these days. She wakes by whining 'I want my mummy/daddy' which can be irritating) my DH acted as if she had done it on purpose and was huffing and puffing, he wanted her to get I to our bed so he could sleep more but she wanted to go to the living room so she could play (she has just had 10 hours solid sleep!) and so she cried cos she wanted to play and he told her off. Basically in a very annoyed voice said 'no it's night time it's sleep time. Not play time'
Because she cried he took her to the living room so she wouldn't wake DS (who had already been awakened) but he is just laying on the sofa trying to sleep and getting more annoyed at her.
I'm up now cos DS is awake (I'm EBF so if he's up I'm up!) and went through to the living room and said 'go back to bed. DS is awake now so I'm up anyway I'll play with her. Go and sleep'
I got back 'what? Just sleep'
I said 'I don't understand what that means. How can I sleep when I've got the baby who wants feeding changing etc. Go back to bed and I'll look after dd'
'No. It's fine.just sleep'

I got annoyed. His tone was very sulky and annoyed and it's like martyrdom. He is pissed off cos he can't go back to bed but give him th chance and he refuses!
He will be miserable all day now. He will complain endlessly about how tired he is but he will still go to play football at 10am. And will then complain again about how tired he is. Knowing all this is said
'That's just ridiculous. How am I supposed to sleep when the baby is awake? That makes no sense at all'
And stayed for a further 2 mins to calm down my dd then did leave to go feed DS.

I know full well that he will say I have caused a row and if I hadnt made that comment then everything held have been fine etc etc. He won't accept that his reaction to dd was cruel and incredibly unfair this morning and he wI'll say that he was telling me to 'go sleep' out of love and kindness as he knows I'm tired with the night feeds etc.

I don't know what I'm asking really as I know he was incredibly unreasonable this morning and is acting like a tool. Maybe I shouldn't have made at comment but I'm so pissed off with his moodiness and unfair treatment of dd. How on earth can you be annoyed at a little xhild simply because they have woken up in the morning???

Don't try talking about it today.

I agree that its not ideal but honestly, if DH or I posted on here every time one of us was slightly unreasonably grumpy with one of ours (especially early rising DS) we'd be the only ones on here. Of course its not right but its completely understandable and he'll probably feel crap about it later when he's woken up a bit. I was cross with 3yo DD earlier because she got chocolate icing all over the place - of course she was going to, she's 3, but when you've just cleaned up, its annoying. Deep breaths, talk about it another day when you're not in that newborn fug of tiredness and try and establish some strategies like turns for lie ins or whatever. Also, your DD maybe old enough to try her with something like a gro-clock that you can set to 6.30 or 7 or whatever and teach her she's not allowed to come out of her room til then (never worked with DS but I know it does for many)!

Nah I think you are both grumpy with sleep deprivation. i think calling him cruel for being grumpy with your daughter is a bit OTT and yea I think it could easily have been sorted with you both recognising you are both knackered and being more supportive of each other.

I don't think anyone is the 'bad guy' here, you are both just exhausted!

How does getting up at 6 equate with sleep deprivation? Until recently I got up at 6 every day for work. He needs to go to bed earlier if he can't cope with normal toddler behaviour.

Was he hung over?? If she gets up everyday at 6 - he should be used to it....but he is probably going to be earlier perhaps without a drink during the week so it is not so bad.....difficult days with newborn and when later nights and even a small hangover tips the balance. Try to encourage him in more positive parenting rather than criticizing him if you want progress. Decide how your family standards of what is reasonable and what requires discipline. Maybe keep her up later at weekends if you want to lie in -- or set her up with a dvd....my husband was happy to get up on on Sunday morning to lie on the sofa and watch Match of The Day....I dont think that you need to play with children at this time of the morning though - just set up a low key activity that they can get on with which you chillax.

Lois presumably you didn't get up at 6.00, 7 days a week month after month? And with a newborn interrupting your sleep as well?

He's being a miserable git!

Seriously, these whinging men need a good kick up the arse. 6am?! That's not that early. Is he getting up to the baby? No!

I think this is a common problem in most house holds with young children, I would be annoyed with him for the way he was with your child but you both do sound really tired and guess still adjusting to the new baby.

Could you both work between you a routine where at least one of you gets a bit of a lie in on a weekend?

presumably you didn't get up at 6.00, 7 days a week month after month? And with a newborn interrupting your sleep as well?

No, only 5 days a week, month after month. I admit there was no newborn but I have in the past been a single parent with a child who refused to sleep beyond 6am, and me with a job to go to.

As the OP points out, her husband is deliberately depriving himself of sleep by going to bed late. So I have no sympathy for him, just for his small child who he shouts at for having the temerity to wake up wanting to start her day after a full night's sleep.

Loispresumably you didn't get up at 6.00, 7 days a week month after month? And with a newborn interrupting your sleep as well?

I did. I was a single parent with no help and had to work full time as well once dd was 12 weeks old. Okay it's no competition and it was hell, but I survived and managed to cope without shouting at dd just for wanting to get up! I also has pituitary and thyroid problems. I managed by going to bed early where possible and looking after myself.

If I can do it the ops dh has no reason to complain about being sleep deprived after 10 hours sleep to the point of being nasty to their toddler.

That sounds like a typical morning in my household when my dc were that age. This stage lasts some time unfortunately.

And some children are natural early risers all their lives. 6am is not that early so he will have to get used to it or you will have to just ignore his martyrdom.

So he lost his temper and your daughter cried. Kids cry at the drop of a hat. I think you should lay off him. He is only human.

Tell him to grow the fuck up.

My ds gets up at 4.30am every morning, tell him that. I'd kill for half 6 wake ups!

Is your DH a night owl? Because I am and I recognise the not going to bed behaviour. I also get angry and grumpy when DD is having an unsettled period. Rationally it's not her fault but tiredness isn't rational. DH is a night owl too. Luckily DD usually sleeps late but has taken to waking overnight and wanting in with us.

I don't even know what my point is. That's how tired I am. It sucks! So try not to fall out over this. Your DH will know he has been an asshole. As a one off don't create a huge issue. If it becomes a habit then tell him to get a grip.

My DH was tired and grumpy when our dd was a newborn, also exacerbated by staying up late.

I informed him in no uncertain terms that he was being selfish and if he's tired in the morning he needs to go to bed earlier, standard bedtimes had to change.

He realised it was the best for the family and did improve massively.

I just had a similar sleep related morning row!

This morning, my 2 year old DS woke up at 6.30- partly my fault as woken up by the sound of me getting ready for work.
I put him down with DH in our bed and continued to get ready but he couldn't settle because of me coming in and out of the bedroom, looking for my clothes. (So frustrating- nothing was where it was supposed to be!)

DH was very grumpy with me for waking Ds.
So, I got angry with him for grumping and told him "I woke him up because I'm getting dressed for work so I can make money to buy you two tiny plastic cars and bloody wine!"
DH had to laugh at that. "Is that what we need then- plastic cars and wine?"
Well it does seem to be what they both like best!

We dropped it but it just seemed so wrong to treat her as naughty for simply waking up. She had done nothing wrong. We've had the 'go to bed earlier' argument hundreds of times and it makes no difference, he stays up late then is grumpy and complains about it. I've made it clear that I have no sympathy as it's self inflicted. Obvs a bit different now with new born but it just makes me think that he needs to grow up.

We didn't have a row. I was more venting I think. Sometimes the things he does just shock me.
And yes 'kids do cry at the drop of a hat' but they also cry when they wake up in the morning after aleeping for 10 hours and want to play with mummy and daddy and daddy is angry and shouting and refusing to play and as far as dd is concerned she has no idea why daddy is angry with her and that seems grossly unfair to me. Anyway, it's in the past. Thanks all